I'm going through the stage of grief loud and clear.
Depression set in.
It started with feeling numb and sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat anything for several days. I felt empty. I couldn't make it an hour without crying. Everything hurt.
Bargaining was mixed in because I didn't understand what was happening or why. Thanks to no man, God opened a vision to me to understand and feel peace for a moment.
Anger wasn't far behind. I am naturally a forgiving and loving person. I look for the good and doubt the bad. But anger came easily. There was plenty to be angry about. Selfish cowards don't deserve anything else. I was reminded that hope brings heartache.
All of these come in waves. And sometimes more than one at a time.
I will keep a symbol to remind myself that I have made a commitment to my children. I will not jeopardize their hearts or health. They come first, at least for another ten years.
I've learned to Accept that.
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