Chapter 2 - Up All Night

That night Gabby had the most restless night's sleep. Her mind jumped from one outlandish impossibility to another. 

Maybe she’s from the future and time traveled back to see me for some reason. She obviously must not know the rules of time travel. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to contact anyone you know -- or will know. I mean, if time travel was possible. Which it’s not.

As she ruminated on this fanciful notion she drifted into a light sleep where time travel was real. And this little girl was her child. They lived in a big white house with a wrap-around porch and their family. It was a beautiful cloudy day so they went to their expansive backyard with perfectly green grass to have a picnic. They reclined to watch the happy clouds float by. But suddenly they turned gray and angry. Instead of puppies and pool floaties, the clouds looked like monsters with horns and sharp claws. They started chasing her through dimly lit halls that had no beginning and no end. As she ran the monster got closer to her. She tried to scream but nothing came out. She tried again and again, and then she woke up to the sound of her own muffled scream. 

She looked around but it seemed she did not wake her roommate. She was still snoring, and likely used to the noise. Unfortunately, she successfully woke herself up enough that she was wide awake. She got up to get a drink of water but found Clair sitting in the dark living room illuminated only by the light of her phone screen.

"What are you doing up?" Gabby asked.

"I can't sleep. Marie told me some stuff last night after I went to bed and I can't get it off my mind."

"Like what, are you also her mother? Or maybe you're her grandmother!"

They both laughed lightly.

"Actually it was all worse than that. She said--”

Just then a figure appeared in the doorway. It was Marie. Just standing there looking straight ahead.

"Hey, Marie, did we wake you?" Gabby asked, but received no answer.

"Marie?"

The two roommates looked at each other. Clair got up to help Marie back to bed, but she was unresponsive. 

“I think she’s sleepwalking.” Clair said. “I’m going back to bed. We can talk tomorrow.”

Gabby stayed up for a while. She knew it was impossible for her to be Marie's mother, but she couldn't help but recognize the physical similarities they shared. She laid on the couch thinking about the bizarre situation she found herself in. She felt grateful for Clair for stepping in and taking care of this little girl. She thought back on the severe panic attack Marie had when they discussed calling the police. The poor thing held herself as though she was genuinely scared. Like she had been mistreated.

Gabby walked down the corridor of a strange place with strange people. They all looked like clones of herself. She didn’t know where she was going but she felt the urgency of getting there. She passed windows that looked into rooms, but there were no doors anywhere. Where was she? A hospital? Or a building on campus maybe? Finally she got to a line of girls standing single file along the wall leading up to a door. The way out, Gabby hoped. But when she rushed past the girls and through the door she found herself in the testing center. She had an exam right now. But she didn’t know any of the answers on this test. It was asking questions like: 

True or false: When is the baby due? 

Why did the dog bark?

Who made the sugar cookies?

A. You

B. Your Mom 

C. Ole Danny boy

D.All of the above

How is the dress gray?

And: 

What is the chemical formula of DNA? 

This time she woke up sweating and decided to take a shower and then study for a while. Even though it was still very dark outside. She started with her Nutrition textbook but had moved on to  Social & Psychological Dimensions of Sport by the time light began to spill through the window. She grabbed her running shoes and went for a run. This always helped her clear her head and bring her peace. It was her happy place. When she got home she  this point she checked the time and figured it was late enough in the morning in New York for her to call her mom.

“Hello?"

"Hi Mom."

"Hi Honey, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, no I'm fine. I just wanted to call and hear your voice."

"Aww, you haven't done that since freshman year. Are you feeling homesick?"

"Yeah, no. Not really. I just had a really crumby night last night. And some nightmares."

"Oh, that's non bene. I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah, actually." She paused for a moment, not wanting to bring up what she needed to ask her mother. "Mom, I want to ask you about Savannah."

"OH. Okay. What do you want to know?"

"You said she died when we were born. Did you actually see her little body?"

"Oh, wow. Hun, I wasn’t expecting that. Well, I was exhausted, you know. Savannah was so much weaker than you were. She was tiny. I saw her for a moment before they rushed her to the emergency NICU area."

"So after they told you she didn't make it...?"

"No sweetheart. I didn't think I could handle it. You know she was a bit of a surprise. She was behind you in the ultrasound so we didn't even know she was in there until she wasn't any more. I know it's awful to say, but I wasn't connected to her like I was to you. I thought that if I held her, it would make her too real and my heart would break too much. I've always had love for her, but I haven't let myself, you know..." her guilt saturated voice trailed off.

“So you never saw her. Interesting.”

“Why?”

“Mom, I have something really bizarre to tell you.”

“Okay...”

Gabby takes a deep breath and sighs. “Do you think I can come visit you this summer? I’ll need to be back by July 15th to start my internship, but can I come visit once I finish finals?”

“Of course! Are you kidding? I would love that.”

“Okay, I’ll leave next week and tell you all about it when I get there.”

Chapter 1 - A Familiar Stranger

"Okay ladies, I need a break from studying. If it's not in my brain by now, one evening of cramming isn't going to get it there." Jewel said as she slammed her way through the unlocked front door of her best friends’ apartment. Clair and Gabby were sitting on the couch, quietly talking to each other. The room became silent and tension rose. "Am I interrupting something?"

The two girls on the couch looked at each other and then said with a shrug, "No."

Jewel frowned and gestured outside, "I can go."

"Don't be silly," Clair chimed with her soothing voice, "we were just talking, but you are more than welcome to join us!" Then she scooted closer to Gabby to make room on the couch. "Sit." She patted the seat next to her.

"Okay, if you insist." Jewel said happily, and plopped down next to her. She began venting about her stress level. "Pre-med is so hard. It's So. Much. Stressful."

"I can imagine." Clair said, empathetically. 

"Right, being a psych major must be just as bad. But are you guys still working on projects? I have one due on Monday. I mean, who gives assignments due the morning of your final."

"No, we just turned in our last paper today. Thankfully I'm done with classes until finals. I have three on Tuesday." 

"Well then, do you guys want to watch a movie? I got Northanger Abbey from the library."

"Um, yes! Let me text Edith." Gabby said.

"Oh, yeah." Jewel looked around. "Where is she?"

"She's on campus working on her final project." Clair answered.

"That's right. It must be nice that she doesn't have real finals. She can just draw a picture the weekend before and call it good."

"She still has real finals." Gabby snapped. "She’s been working on her final project until 8PM every night for the past two weeks. Plus she has other classes with written finals in the testing center next week, too."

"I know, I was just meaning she has fun classes that are more laid back, like yours. Art majors and Exercise Science majors really knew what they were doing!"

Gabby pressed her lips together into a slightly up-curved line and exhaled through her nose. Clair placed her hand gently on Gabby's knee, "We all work hard, so we should play hard, too. Or at least watch a Jane Austen movie. Why don't we plan to watch the movie tonight at 8PM when Edith gets home and we can help you with your final project in the meantime."

Jewel slouched, "Okay, if you insist." She said, deflated.

"So what's your project consist of?" Gabby asked flatly.

"I have to choose three experiments to perform and then write at least 2,500 words on my findings for each one. I already did two experiments and I wrote my first 3,000 words."

"Great, so it sounds like you need to write about your findings for the second experiment and do your last experiment." Clair planned.

"Yeah, except I'm thinking of skipping the last one."

"But then your grade will go down by 33%" Gabby pointed out.

"Yeah well, C-s and D-s get degrees."

Just then there was a quiet but hurried knock on the door. Like there was a hummingbird out there.

"It's open!" Jewel called.

The door did not open, but the knock sounded again. This time longer and a little louder.

Gabby got up to open the door to find a very thin little girl standing in front of her. She wore a gray sun dress with ballet flats that were as black as her pin straight hair.

"Hi sweetie, can I help you?"

"Um." She stammered and looked around her. "I'm looking for my mother." The other girls came to the door when they heard the mousy voice. 

"Oh. Where was the last place you saw her."

"No, I mean. I uh - I'm looking for Gabriella Montgomerie." 

"Well, I'm Gabriella Montgomerie. What's your name?" Gabby asked gently as she knelt down to be at her Gabb eye level.

The tiny girl finally met her eyes, and Gabby watched as they grew wider. "Marie." She squeaked out. 

"Well hi, Marie. How do you know my name?" Marie's face began turning red and tears brimmed her eyes. She took another look behind her and then she fell into Gabby's arms. "Oh my goodness." She stroked her hair. "Where's your mom?" She asked and peered outside to see if she could see anyone. She didn't so she redirected her perplexed gaze to her friends.

"Who is she?" Jewel mouthed.

Gabby shrugged.

Clair placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Why don't you come sit with me and we can talk." Clair always had a way of calming the situation. "What brought you here?"

"I came to find my mother." Marie told them.

"How would I be able to help you find her?" Gabby asked. 

"You are my mother."

Gabby's eyes grew wide and her brows went up. "uh, Sorry sweetie, I- I can't be your mother."

"Of course you can be. You are my mom. You are Gabby Montgomerie, are you not?"

"I am, but I think you must have the wrong Gabby Montgomerie. I've never had a baby."

"Of course, you don't understand. Why would you?" Marie was trembling, tears falling from her eyes again.

"Dude, I know how we can resolve this." Jewel said. "One of the remaining experiments is about genealogy! They suggested using my own and a parent, but this should work too. I just need DNA Gabbyples from both of you."

"We really don't need a DNA test to prove I'm not her mother. I've never..." She trailed off, making a face at her friends to convey her meaning. She didn't want to say the word "sex" in front of a little girl. 

"I know, but it will put her mind at ease, and help me complete a project. Sometimes it pays off having a science major for a best friend."

"Okay, fine."

Jewel ran to her apartment to get the buccal Gabbyple collection kits. After she collected what she needed from the inside of each of their cheeks and put each in its own screw cap tube she left for campus to perform the experiment. She was gone for a long time. In fact, she didn't come back until 9PM. 

While she was gone Clair and Gabby got to know Marie a little. They asked her questions about where her parents were and how she got to their apartment. How she knew Gabby and who told her she was her mother. There were so many more questions they had for her but they could tell Marie was getting overwhelmed so they lightened the mood a little and turned on  a streaming cartoon. The poor thing fell asleep by 7PM. 

When Jewel finally walked back through the door, Edith was already home, showered, and snoring in her bed. Marie was somehow still asleep, now snuggled up in Clair's bed, even with the loud sound coming from the adjacent room. Gabby, Clair and their other roommate, Charity, were all brushing their teeth.  

Jewel approached Gabby and quietly asked, "Hey, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" 

"So the results I found were confusing. I mean, it was the first time I was comparing Gabbyples like this, and I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was accurate. So I had my professor look at it." She stopped and just nervously stared at Gabby. "It looked like it was a match to me, so I knew I needed a second opinion, you know. But he agreed. He said there was a 99 percent match."

"Okay, well obviously I've never had a baby, so it must be a false positive."

"Yeah, totally." Jewel confirmed, not wholly convinced.

A Secret Siren

Erielle's study hours were as long as her fire red hair. She worked hard to earn grades that would keep her at the top of her class. She was proud to follow in her mother's footsteps, excelling in everything she put her mind to. As head of the swim team, she had no doubt she would eventually join her mother and older sisters in leading secret, undercover missions for their country. Her plate was full to be sure, but you would never hear her complain that none of her many tasks would just pick up and wander off on their own. Rather she wore it as a badge of honor that she had no time for boys or friends or fun. 

That is until her mom didn't make it back from one of her missions. 

She idolized her mother and viewed her as indestructible. This shook her whole world and left her floundering. So when the opportunity arose to spend summer term on a study abroad in Italy she couldn't resist. She felt this would be the best reset she could imagine. She was right, but it had an entirely different effect than she had anticipated. She expected to see new places. And she did, but it was the new friends that she made in her program that she cherished. She expected to fill her mind with history. And she did, but it was the present that inspired her heart to desire more than just flipping her fins on swim team. She wanted to anchor herself.

Italy was life-changing. 

She flew into Rome. She's never forgotten the moment that she stepped out from the grungy metro station into the massive shadow of the Colosseum. It took her breath away as she looked up at one of the oldest monuments she had ever studied. For the first time in her life she felt small. She'd thought she had everything, but in that moment she was ready to explore all the wonders of this new place. They stayed in Rome for half of the Study Abroad before they migrated south to Naples. 

She quickly and easily became best friends with the two girls assigned to be her flat mates while in Italy. Ursula, a sultry beauty, went to meet exotic men. In every city they visited she found a guy to spend the night with. She didn't care who, just the first hot Italian man to call out Ciao Bella as she walked by. Deidra, on the other hand, was very shy, a bit plump, and insecure. She didn't make eye contact with anyone and hurried passed everyone who called out to her.

Erielle was somewhere in between. She wasn't willing to throw herself at every guy who thought she was beautiful. There were a lot considering how rare of a beauty she was with her red hair and bright blue eyes so deep any man could drown in them. Sometimes she found herself gaping at the cat calls, unable to even speak. Other times, she let herself flirt a little.

Their favorite place in all of Italy was Fiordo di Furore on the Amalfi Coast where they could spend all day warm in the sun. A beautiful little town with gorgeous turquoise water and sheer rocks shooting a hundred feet into the air. She and her two besties took several day trips to sunbathe warm on the sand and explore the shops. Every visit Erielle was sure to go to a charming antique shop called Pesce Piccolo. It was full of wonderful things! Not only was it the perfect place to get unique souvenirs, it also had the most dreamy young man working there with his family. 

Her last visit to his shop she told him she would be going home to America that week. She had learned Italian pretty well after living there for just four moths. He asked her for one last adventure with him. They went on a walk hand in hand down the beach to the iconic bridge. It was unusually free of tourists. Gazing into each others eyes they leaned in for a kiss.

Bash! Right in the head, a volleyball hit Erielle, knocking her to the ground. Insult to injury, the only kiss she got during the whole trip to Italy was on the back of her hand after he helped her up.

When she returned home from her trip she seemed less devastated from the loss of her mother. She was less determined to follow in her footsteps as a member of the Sirens but felt she owed it to her mother. Her three older sisters had already made the Sirens team and had gone on missions with their dad, the head of the Seal Team. 

It was less than a year after she graduated that she was already being scouted for a Sirens team. Two years after that Ursula joined her team. While she didn't have as much experience in the military, she was a sorcerous when it came to seducing men and taking control of any situation.

Three years after that they were both bridesmaids in Deidra's wedding, who would soon become a mother to a set of twins. Erielle envied her. What must it be like to be a mom and a wife. What I would give to be part of a family like that. 

One evening she was talking with her grandmother about how fast paced her life was and how she sometimes dreams of settling down and having a family.

"I want meaning in my life. Everywhere I go I am unnoticed and forgotten. I need connection."

"You're looking at it all wrong. Your life's path is just different. In the military, especially the sect of the military your family is part of, you get to save the world behind the scenes so that others can have those comfortable lives. You get to disappear as if you never existed, knowing that you actually made a difference in the world. You don't need the recognition." Her words were meant to comfort, instead they made Erielle realize she couldn't even open up to her grandmother any more.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! 

She was paged in for an urgent mission involving the mafia in Naples, Italy. She and Ursula looked at each other with nostalgic excitement. 

"We're going back to Italy!" Ursula squealed as they left the briefing.

"It's been almost ten years! I actually can't believe this is our first time to go back." There was bounce in Erielle's step.

Erielle spent most of the flight reflecting on her life and what she really wanted out of it. Could she be selfish enough to leave the Sirens team that she had spent her whole life working toward? Finally she decided to confide in her closest friend.

"Ursula," she whispered, 

"Ciao, Bella." She said with a wink.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Always. What's up?"

"Do you ever wish you had what Deidra has?"

"Stretchmarks, poopy diapers, and a fat man in my bed? No." Ursula thrived in this kind of environment. Flings in each city she visited, no real names, no real future. "I'm kidding. Well, I'm not, but there's nothing wrong with her life. It's what she wants. Are you thinking you would rather have that, too, instead of this glamorous life we have?" She gestured to the dull neutral colored walls of the cargo plane. 

"I mean," Guilt and shame flooded her body and leaked out her eyes.

"Hey," Ursula moved off her cot to kneel beside Erielle. She put her hand on her back, which helped calm her instantly.

"I just-- Going back to Italy reminds me of the happiest time of my life. And the more I think about it, that might have been the only time in my life I was truly and effortlessly happy. These missions and trying to be perfect all the time, it's taxing, you know."

"Il meglio è il nemico del bene." A phrase they learned the first time they were in Italy. It means the perfect is the enemy of good. "You don't owe anyone anything. Not your family. Not the military. Not your mom." She knew Erielle's mom had given her life in the line of duty and that somehow made her feel a responsibility to continue in her shoes. "Let me help you."

Ursula devised a plan to help Erielle disappear like sea foam in the ocean. 

"I can't just go awol."

"Ai Mali Estremi, Estremi Rimedi. Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures”

The Sirens team parachuted into the sea outside of Naples. As soon as Erielle hit the water she detached her chute and used the training and her natural gift to swim for the next three hours at which point she used the help of a handheld propeller device every Siren keeps in her go bag. Another couple hours got her to a shore. And not just any shore, she recognized the towering cliffs. Relief allowed her to float on her back and rest.

As she got closer to the landmark that she fell in love with all those years ago she saw some people cliff diving. It's the wee hours of the morning, why would they be out at this hour? She was meters away from them as she spied on their fun. Suddenly they all jumped at once. One man landed on another man knocking him out and pushing him deeper into the water. In the commotion none of the party noticed or realized until they were out of the water and clambering back up the cliffside. 

Erielle could hear their voices change from happy and excited to worried. Then they started shouting for the man under the water.

"Sebastian!"

"Sebastian!"

She dove deep, using the light on the propeller until she spotted him. She grabbed him and pulled him up to the surface. She couldn't take him right back to the crowd he was with, they would question where she came from. So she took him to the other side of the cliffs. Compressing his chest to push the water out and blowing into his mouth to push the air in. Again and again she repeated these steps. And then it worked. 

He coughed. He breathed. He lived.

My Fiancé Ghosted Me

My fiancé ghosted me three weeks before we were supposed to get married. I know it was three weeks because my daughters and I were keeping a countdown in our room and it stayed on "21" for about three months.

As you can imagine I was devastated.

It was impossible for me to comprehend how this person, whom I had trusted with my whole soul, could have done this. No word or explanation. Just emptiness.

That's all I could feel for the first week. I was empty. The only thing holding me together was my skin, and I wish that would have given way to let the hollowness drain away so I wouldn't have to exist any more. I didn't eat for the first week. My stomach was completely empty. I could only handle sips of water.

My moms support was also invaluable. She literally held me when I felt like I couldn't any more. She drafted and printed UN-announcements to send to all the guests we had just invited. It was humiliating. 

My maid of honor had already prepared the food for my bridal shower for that weekend so she brought it to my empty apartment. I had to message everyone to let them know I wasn't feeling well enough to have a party. Which was certainly no lie. Instead of celebrating and preparing for one of the happiest days of my life, I sat in the dark, with no one but my best friend and my mom, and binged the entire first season of Wednesday. The show was dark enough for me to be okay with watching it at the time. I felt immense guilt letting all that finger food go uneaten.  

Over the next couple weeks I had to return as many things I had ordered for the wedding. From disposable wine glasses to tiny vials for olive oil that would have been our party favors. But then the packages began arriving. dozens of gifts I had to deal with. I couldn't face them. The hurt was crippling.

His older sister showed me incredible kindness. She was the only one of their family to reach out to me. She shared parts of her own story and reassured me that she cared for me. It simultaneously made it harder and easier. Easier because of her kindness and perspective. Harder because I was also losing her because of her brothers selfish choice. I don't know why his mother never reached out. This was nearly as hurtful to me as what he had done. It would have been nice to at least get a text saying, "I'm so sorry, Lisa. I really wanted you to be my daughter-in-law. I love you." But that, it seems, was too much to ask.

My whole life crumbled around me. It wasn't just losing my best friend and partner for the past three years. It was losing family dinner on Sundays. It was losing eight nieces and nephews whom I adored more than they could have realized. It was losing the life we had created and planned. And worst of all, it was losing my unborn babies, who I never got to have, but was promised. I was losing a step dad for my kids. It was losing a travel partner. I felt like a loser. Except when I held my kids. Especially when we got to snuggle at night.

It has been about four months and I am finally starting to be okay. I don't cry every day. But I do feel angry a lot.

________________________________________________

I want to create a website or app to support other women who have gone through something similar. One of the hardest things about going through hard things is feeling we are alone in them. I knew there were other broken engagements, but I didn't know who had been through them. God sent me a message on facebook bringing one girl to my attention. That was a blessing and a help.

It would have a Spotify playlist that people could contribute to. It would have angsty songs.

It would have a Flower Subscription box.

It would have a journal Section for individual user to use.

And it would have a community forum.

There would be local meetups to go dancing or to movies.

and maybe even merchandise like body pillows and the rose.

________________________________________________

Information from the internet on Ghosting. 

A person ghosting typically has little acknowledgment of how it will make the other person feel. Ghosting is associated with negative mental health effects on the person on the receiving end and has been described by some mental health professionals as a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse or cruelty.

It shows you have no respect for another person's feelings. It say you are inconsiderate and don't care much about the impact or consequences of your actions. It's easier than breaking up but it also shows you have no character when you choose easy over integrity.

The act of ghosting is a power move that someone with narcissistic personality disorder may use. There are many reasons why someone might ghost you. It may be because they lost interest and want to avoid the conflict of telling you this personally. It may be they want to see your reaction and how much you care.

Like most ghosts people report having experienced, you're just an annoying practitioner of “now you see me, now you don't.” Ghosting is akin to Gaslighting because it's a denial, a charade. And it rejects the worthiness of another human being and the impact of the exchange that may have happened between you.

Ghosting is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone suddenly and without any explanation, and completely withdrawing from all forms of communication.