Addiction

A few years ago I had a problem. I was addicted to Spider Solitaire. That may seem like a really weird thing to be addicted to, but it was really bad. I played it too much. I got to the point where I would think about it all the time. When I closed my eyes - even for a prayer - the cards would appear. I would have dreams about the cards taking on humanistic roles, representing real people. They took up my time, moved into my mind, and wreaked havoc in reality. I decided enough was enough. I stopped cold turkey. Yes - it was hard. I went through withdrawals. I even missed it for a little while. But then, slowly, I got better. People turned back into people. I was no longer distracted during prayers, and I was able to focus on Christ. I became me again.

At church this past Sunday we talked about the danger of pornography, and how to protect your family from the destruction that comes from it. There were lots of comments and suggestions. I think that of course teaching your children and cultivating an atmosphere where you can feel comfortable talking about anything is important. People mentioned that pornography can come in different forms. Images we see. Movies we watch, and words we read. Pornography can be a real and serious addiction. Just as real as drugs, alcohol, and gambling. 

What an addiction does is change your brain. The very way you think. It's always on your mind. You want more of it. It takes over your life. It distracts you from what is really important: Being productive. Moving forward. Serving others. Coming closer to Christ. In fact, it does the opposite. It is almost as if it becomes the thing you worship.

I think that a lot of people don't associate smaller things with it. Simple things. Seemingly innocent things. Music with a good beat, but awful lyrics ("I don't listen to the words anyway..." is not an excuse) and the jokes we tell ("That's what she said" and adding "in bed" to the end of things). These jokes change the way we think. They take something innocent and make it "dirty". They take something incredibly sacred and private and turn it into something common and crude.

Fortune Cookie: You will have much success in the near future

The good thing is that we can change. We can stop cold turkey and become ourselves again. We can fill our time with worthwhile things that make us better people and bring us closer to Christ and being Christ-like. And eventually jokes can turn back into jokes, not dirty jokes.

Sweet Dreams and Nightmares

Being married is such a better way to live! I love it! All the time. But especially at night.

I have struggled with insomnia for most of my life. When I was a child I thought it was normal to have to lay in bed for a long time before drifting off to sleep.

Insomnia has caused me to think about sleep differently. What is this strange place we call sleep, anyway? How do you go there or drift there or fall there? It's like a room with no doors or windows. It's a room that is not a room. It's a place that is not a place. It can be anywhere and nowhere. It can defy laws of nature and physics. It can make things clearer and it can be impossible to describe in reality.

As a youth I tried lots of things to help me go to sleep, from crazy to common. Things like: Smelling onions. Concentrating on my breathing. Counting sheep --whatever that  means. Counting down from 100... and then back up. And so many more. Some things may have helped, other things not so much. Nevertheless, nothing stuck.

At one point I thought maybe I was afraid to fall asleep. Just the idea of it is a little frightening. How far is the drop and will it hurt when I get there? I sometimes had really scary nightmares that I woke up from either crying or screaming. But I also had some really cool and beautiful dreams that I didn't want to wake up from.

Once I became an art major I embraced my insomnia. I stayed up all night making art. I slept when I was completely worn out, and had a little time for it --no matter what time it was.

Now that I'm married and pregnant, I don't have the luxury of living that way (thankfully). But it's easier to have a more regular routine. I go to bed at night with my husband. And even if it takes me a lot longer to surrender to sleep, I love laying in bed beside him. Feeling his heart beat into my back as the baby kicks in my belly. Listening to him breath. And feeling his strong, protective arms around me keeping me safe.

Now I don't have to fear my nightmares, which have been awful during this pregnancy, because I know he's right there. Warm and loving. Now I don't have to go to sleep to dream sweet dreams, because my dream come true is right next to me.

My Opinion on Skinny Jeans...

My opinion on skinny jeans?

I like them. I think they are great. I think they are practical. They are the perfect pant for boots. There is nothing offensive about them. The tops look just like any other pair of jeans (considering I'm not talking about mom jeans -- high waisted 80 style), they just taper after the knee. There are some that are a lot tighter than others, and I don't think those are necessary, or that they would be very comfortable.

cute

When I say skinny jeans, this is all I mean by it. If you hear skinny jeans and think something else you may be thinking of jeggings: ridiculously tight, pocketless, zipper-less stretchy jeans. I don't like these. Although, I did accidentally own a pair, but only because I needed something for my pregnancy. I didn't realize what they were until a couple weeks after I got them. Like the aforementioned skinny jeans, there are more extreme varieties of these as well. I do not have those ones.

gross. you look fat. these are not what i have.

The worst and most disgusting variety that people mistake for skinny jeans are the undergarment called leggings. These are NOT pants. These do not make skirts modest. These do not look good.

disgusting. go put some clothes on.

So, you want my opinion on skinny jeans? oh, you don't... well I'm giving it to you anyway. If you want to wear pants with boots and not get your pants wet or salt soaked or just want to show off your super cute boots, wear skinny jeans! If you need to be warmer on a Sunday, and you're already wearing a modest to-your-knee skirt wear leggings. I'm still not sure where jeggings fit in to this. I think they're just a fad that will fade.

A little BIG news

For some reason, that I cannot fathom, I have had this episode of Full House on my mind a lot lately...

We had another appointment today. It was really amazing! We got to hear our babys heartbeat for the first time. I can not express to you how incredible this was. To hear my own heartbeat and then a tiny one right next to it. In MY body. I realized the miracle that is occurring within me and I was entirely overwhelmed. Austin said he could see how it affected me on my face, and I admit that I teared up a little.

That silly little fetus started dancing around--moving out of the scope of the monitor, making my midwife have to chase it around my belly. Already, at 15 weeks, my baby has a cute little personality (that may or may not reflect the jokesters that are its parents).

I'm so excited to meet this little angel in a just a few months!

Be Grateful and Learn to Laugh

Well, it's my birthday. And I'm 26. It's weird how life turns out. My life is SO AWESOME! I have the world’s best husband! I have a few really great jobs! And Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Boy do I have a lot to be thankful for.

First of all, Austin is so wonderful! He makes every day bright and happy. He is ‘the butter to my bread and the breath to my life!’ Speaking of which, I made some delicious home-made bread the other day. We’ve been using it as sandwich bread. Mmm, mm.

 Things are going really well at The Center. I am loving teaching art, which is still a little surprising to me. I am sad that this is the last session I’ll have before The Center closes to move to the new building. I hope I will get to start back up soon!

I have been making a lot of art lately for various shows. I also got some into a local shop. I’m really excited about being able to reach my goals as an artist while working two other jobs! It’s hard, but worth it.

My last job is working in home delivery of high quality meats. I work with the owner of the company, Paul’s Fine Meats, and I really enjoy it! I have even bought some from him, myself! It’s seriously SO good! I’m one of those people who has always had a hard time eating red meat. For the longest time it grossed me out so bad that I couldn’t eat it, then I got myself to eat it at well-done. Now, I can eat it at medium-well! I am really good at this job too – which is a little surprising, since I am shy and I had never even cooked a steak before this job.

Paul and I have fun together. He jokes with, saying things like, “You owe me a dollar…” if I correct his math, and stuff like that. But he always tells me I do a good job. He is a kind and generous man, who I am honored to be able to work with. And I make pretty good money here off of commission!

We have had such a hard time with our housing situation. When we were looking for a place before we got married, I found one I really liked, in a convenient location, got the contract, and when I was signing it got a call that they couldn’t rent to us any more due to a family emergency.

Then we found an even better one, fully furnished, with less rent. We got that one, moved in, and then found the hiccup of the apartment. We figured out how to fix everything, or live with what we couldn’t change, and we’re really happy there. We live across the street from our church building and have a really nice ward.

However, we found out that our landlords don’t have clearance to have renters, so we are going to have to move! I could be really put out about this and feel completely discouraged, but all I want to do is laugh! It’s just the weirdest trial to have. But now, we are looking in to buying a home. Which will be so much better than renting.

I am so glad for this time of year! It reminds me to be happy and to be grateful. It’s beautiful!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Agency Talk

I was asked to speak today on agency, and have decided to use President Monsons talk from the October 2010 conference: The Three Rs of Choice.

He says, "I have been thinking recently about choices and their consequences. Scarcely an hour of the day goes by but what we are called upon to make choices of one sort or another. Some are trivial, some more far-reaching. Some will make no difference in the eternal scheme of things, and others will make all the difference."

At the beginning of this year, i made a few goals for myself. I try not to make goals that i can not realistically reach. that is, goals that require someone else to use their agency to make your goal possible. nevertheless, these are the goals that i made:

1st Make art everyday. This goal was simple enough for me to achieve. I recently graduated with my BFA in Studio Art from BYU, and i take it very seriously. I have kept this goal. i got a job teaching art at the community center in provo, which i love! and i am also working on some works on paper for a show in Texas next month. i have chosen to make art a priority in my life because i feel like it can influence people to be better, and come unto Christ. i choose to make uplifting art that makes people think about something more that what's there.

my 2nd goal was to exercise regularly. i haven't really reached this goal. i have made excuses for not reaching it, like "i'm too busy" or "If there were less hills around here..." but in reality, i could make time to go running everyday. I have used my agency poorly in this case.

finally, my 3rd goal was to get married, but that was one of those unreasonable goals, so i adjusted it to this: apply Alma 38:12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness. 

i am very happy to tell you that i reached this goal. my original goal. all because i used my agency to be bold, but not overbearing. not only did i use my agency to choose to love and marry a wonderful man, but he used his to choose me.

i met Austin last August. we were in the same singles ward and lived across the street from each other. we became friends easily and quickly. over time, we became better friends, establishing a good foundation. in late October he asked me out on our first date. we went to a Mexican food restaurant. we had a nice time, but it didn't lead to a second date. he came to my final exhibition in November, and help me move in December. After Christmas, we started flirting more and more. In late February I invited him to come cross-country skiing. after that, we started spending more one on one time together. in early march he invited me to go sledding with him and his family. i spent the day with them, and by the time i went home, i knew i would someday marry him. on Sunday, March 25th, we became "official". 19 days later he told me he wanted to marry me. We bought a ring, and on April 17th, while dancing on a stage in the middle of a park in Orem, he knelt down on one knee, and asked me to marry him. we spent the summer apart. he was working out of tow. i was working here. we skyped. a lot. then, on August 3rd, we became an eternal family. BEST choice i ever made!

While the first two goal are important, and can have a long-lasting effect on my career or physical well being, the last goal has impacted my eternal life and progression. I have a responsibility to do my art in returning to my Father in Heaven, and, through a miracle from God, it paid off.

President Monson explains, "As I’ve contemplated the various aspects of choice, I’ve put them into three categories: first, the right of choice; second, the responsibility of choice; and third, the results of choice."

The Right of Choice

The Savior used His agency to atone for all of us. "[He] offered Himself as a sacrifice to atone for the sins of all. Through unspeakable suffering He became the great Redeemer, the Savior of all mankind, thus making possible our successful return to our Father. " 

We must remember our eternal journey. The purpose we are here on this earth: to return to live with God in His eternal glory forever and ever. President Monson speaks of a goal that we must all have. This goal should be renew each day, and not forgotten about until the next new year. He implores, "May we keep our eyes, our hearts, and our determination focused on that goal which is eternal and worth any price we will have to pay, regardless of the sacrifice we must make to reach it."

this makes me wonder how many goals have i made that are worth great sacrifice in order to achieve them. to no matter what choose good over evil, The prophet Mormon tells us, 'The Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil.'  even if it's harder, or more work, or less fun. I think of a visual demonstration I saw when I was in Primary that incorporated a large jar - representing your day, some rocks - representing the most important things that had to get done, sand and water - representing the less  important things needed for you day. In order to fit everything into your day, or the jar, you had to insert them in a specific order. Rocks, sand, and then water. if you were to put them in backward, they would not all fit. through this demonstration we learned that we must use our agency wisely to prioritize our lives so that they are the fullest they can be.

President David O. McKay said, “Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God’s greatest gift to man.” 

In 2 Nephi 2:27 we learn that "men are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

President Monson assures that, "within the confines of whatever circumstances we find ourselves, we will always have the right to choose."

The Responsibility of Choice

We, especially as latter-day saints, have a responsibility to make good choices. to further the work of God. to serve others. 

we can use our agency to do productive things to better ourselves and others, we can an education, work hard to provide for our families, study the scriptures, get to know the people around us so we can better serve them and the Lord; or we can use our agency to do wasteful things.

President Monson says, "Our Heavenly Father did not launch us on our eternal journey without providing the means whereby we could receive from Him God-given guidance to assist in our safe return at the end of mortal life. I speak of prayer. I speak too of the whisperings from that still, small voice within each of us, and I do not overlook the holy scriptures. Each of us has come to this earth with all the tools necessary to make correct choices."

one of my students in my adult pottery class is such an innocent and sweet guy. he would come into class ready to work hard on his project. he engaged the rest of the class in interesting, yet, sometimes silly, conversations about if we were ever going to progress technologically. he would ask if we had seen certain movies. when we would tell him we had not seen them, he'd ask why. we'd tell him we didn't have time. his simple answer was to make time.

making time to watch a movie for entertainment might not be the best way to spend our time, but for things like exercising to take care of your body, going to the temple, fulfilling your calling, or serving others really can be. 

We are surrounded—even at times bombarded—by the messages of the adversary. 

“Just this once won’t matter.”

“Don’t worry; no one will know.”

“You can stop any time.”

“Everybody’s doing it, so it can’t be that bad.”

The lies are endless.  

When faced with significant choices, how do we decide? Do we succumb to the promise of momentary pleasure? To our urges and passions? To the pressure of our peers?

President Monson relates a story I'm sure we're all familiar with.

Let us not find ourselves as indecisive as is Alice in Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. You will remember that she comes to a crossroads with two paths before her, each stretching onward but in opposite directions. She is confronted by the Cheshire cat, of whom Alice asks, “Which path shall I follow?”

The cat answers, “That depends where you want to go. If you do not know where you want to go, it doesn’t matter which path you take.”

Unlike Alice, we all know where we want to go, and it does matter which way we go, for by choosing our path, we choose our destination.

Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed—the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny.

C. The Results of Choice

All of our choices have consequences, some of which have little or nothing to do with our eternal salvation and others of which have everything to do with it.

My decision to date, fall in love with and marry my sweet husband has a great deal to do with my eternal salvation. The choice I make every morning to stay in bed instead of going running has much less of an impact. however, i should try harder to overcome that temptation.

The Apostle Paul has assured us, “God will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” or in my case, walk and not be weary, and run and not faint.

President Monson says, "We have all made incorrect choices. If we have not already corrected such choices, I assure you that there is a way to do so. The process is called repentance. I plead with you to correct your mistakes. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift."

I know that repentance is real. It is not a scary thing. We can use the atonement everyday. to repent of small things or large things. to overcome challenges. to defeat satan. all we have to do is choose to use the gift our Savior and Redeemer gave His life for.

In closing, I want to share President Monsons plea, "may we be filled with gratitude for the right of choice, accept the responsibility of choice, and ever be conscious of the results of choice."

I know that our Agency is an incredible gift that we can use everyday. i know that if we choose to use it for good we will be blessed beyond measure. i know that Jesus Christ came to earth to be an example for good and that He gave His life to enable us to overcome this world and continue our journey with Him in eternal glory. I love Him. And I am grateful for the blessings of agency.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Something Wonderful!

I thought I would follow up on how I am doing on the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year. I am happily surprised with how well things turned out! http://lisamakesart.blogspot.com/2012/01/new-years-goals.html

Goal #1. Make art everyday

Alright, I am doing a great job on this one! Something I had not been anticipating in January is that I would get a job teaching art to the community. I really enjoy it. I always knew I loved art, but I never thought I would love teaching it… When I started working for The Center in Provo, back in March, it was really challenging! I had no idea what to expect or what was expected of me.

I know how to make art. GOOD art. Art that has meaning and adds to the larger Art Conversation. I don't know how to teach "hobby" art to adults and children of all ages. Luckily I have resources nobody else has. Sure, the experiences and education I have received has really helped me, but more than that, more than perhaps anything else, has been my mom!

My mom is an extraordinary woman with an abundance of gifts, talents, and abilities. She made sure to provide a well-rounded childhood for me and my sisters. From the countless fieldtrips, projects, and programs she came up with, the arts and crafts she created have been a strength to me in this job.

During the first session especially, I found myself searching for activity after activity to do with my classes, and ending up calling my mom for advice nearly every week. I am really grateful to have a mother capable of so much! I have been able to come up with a really nice schedule of lesson plans to fill the whole 5 weeks/10 classes that’s in each session. My students enjoy the work, and love having me as a teacher as much as I love having them as students and making a difference in the community.

In addition to the art I have been teaching and making due to my job, I have also been working on the art for another wedding – MINE! I created some really awesome announcements (you have to acknowledge your own greatness, or nobody else will…) that are super cute and descriptive of our relationship. I have been working on the animation for our reception but not confident that I will get it done in time, I only have TWO weeks (yikes! (yippee!)).

Goal #2. Exercise regularly

Uh... we’re back to this goal already? Okay, so here’s my proposal: I submit that stress should count as exercise. I’m sure it burns calories and makes you sweat just as much as running around the neighborhood would. Okay, fine! It’s not a recognizable form of exercise, but let’s face it, people, I don’t have time to run down the street unless I’m late to work or picking something up for my wedding. Life is busy right now. Maybe I’ll be better at this goal after I get married… (don’t judge)

Goal #3. Apply Alma 38:12

Let me share what I wrote about this goal back in January:
Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness. I love that it says to use boldness, but not overbearance. I want to incorporate this into my everyday life, and into the parts of my life that are not as successful as others. Okay... Do you want to know a secret? The scripture wasn't exactly the goal I wrote down, but I think it is a more reasonable one. I'll leave the actual one up to Kimber this year... Oh yeah, I think i'm doing okay on this goal too.

In case you put two and two together and came up with 7, let me spell it out for you, my original goal was to get married.

In January, this seemed like an unreachable goal for this year. I could maybe meet the guy I would eventually marry, but I really had no expectations of it actually happening. Then something wonderful happened. Someone I considered to be a good friend, and always enjoyed talking with became something more to me. After trying to spend less time with him, because I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, I began to really MISS him. I needed him in my life. He made me happy.

After a series of events, including game nights, cross-country skiing, a hot spring trip, and (most importantly for me) sledding and spending the day with some of his family, we became official. 19 days later he told me he wanted to marry me. We bought a ring, and on April 17th while dancing on a stage in the middle of a park in Orem, he knelt down and asked me to marry him. Of all the days to forget my camera, this was not it. Thank goodness for camera phones!

I love this man with all my heart. He is so good, kind, and thoughtful, and just look at that smile. He goes out of his way to make my life better, and I am so excited to spend the rest of eternity with him!