Have you ever been left when you should have been loved?

Yes. Too many times. 

Amazed

If you know me very well then you know that I sing all the time.

If you know me fairly well you would not know that.

But I was singing I STAND ALL AMAZED just now to my kids and then I told them that Jesus loves them so much that He died for them and He loves them so much that He lives for them. 

"I also love you enough to die for you. And I love you enough to live for you."

And that is sometimes harder.

#depression

Tiny

 in college lisa had tiny lisa.

now lisa has a tiny house.

inside, lisa feels tiny.

Jonah - Part 4

The turbulent storm propelled the vessel through the waters. From one river to another, finally meeting the sea. It was a journey of several days, but it was intentional in direction by God. 

The storm was fairly small in diameter and stayed close to the vessel, so when it arrived at another ship it happened all of a sudden. The winds were so wild that the mariners were frightened, fearing the ship would break and drown them. They prayed to God for him to save them and help them know what to do. There was one man on the ship who slept through the rough and tempestuous storm, apathetic and seemingly unafraid.

Truly, however, he was only less afraid of drowning than he was of the request the Lord had recently made of him. He had attempted to flee from the presence of the Lord, but the Lord saw him in his weakness and knew how to strengthen his faith. In this moment God impressed upon Jonah what he needed to do.

Jonah told the mariners, "Throw me into the water; so the sea will be calm for you. I know that God has sent this tempest because of me."

The mariners were surprised by his request.

"Um, yeah, we're not going to do that." 

"That's crazy." 

"There's got to be another way."

They worked hard to control the ship to no avail.

"Nope." Jonah said emotionless. "You can see that nothing you try is helping. This is really your only hope to survive." 

Jonah must have been persuasive enough to convince them to throw him overboard because they lifted him and heaved him into the raging sea. He took a breath just before he plunged deep into the cold water. His body tensed at the shock of it. Just then the vessel circled about him, stuck spinning in a whirlpool. The flap opened and let him in. The waters stilled and the storm was gone.

Too dark to see, Jonah felt the walls of the vessel. That, together with the smell and situation, he determined he must have been swallowed by a great fish of some sort. He prayed to the Lord to acknowledge His awareness of him. To praise Him and explain his fears and reasoning. 

After three days the vessel was brought to the shore and thrust Jonah out of it. Then it was gone. The Lord no longer had need of it so the sea swallowed it up and disposed of it. 

Jonah was weak and hungry. He was grateful to be alive. Amazed that God could deliver him from the belly of the sea. And he was ready to serve God in whatever way he was asked. So when God appeared to Jonah for a second time to ask the thing He had asked Jonah prior, he was ready to obey.

"Arise, go unto Nineveh, that great city, and preach unto it the preaching that I bid thee."

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There was a commotion in the compound where Nim lived. He heard some servants talking about a prophet who had come to call repentance or be overthrown. His heart started racing. He ran to find Mara who was already searching for him. +

She told him, "There's a rumor that the king has been converted!" 

Nim asked, "Do you know what this means!"

The two sang together, "God answered our prayers!" 

They walked through the city in search of the prophet. Everyone was different. Everything felt new. Instead of people consumed in themselves, they were helping each other. Instead of being spat upon in public they received smiles. They had never seen adults smile at them before. They were always treated as an inconvenience. Now they were welcomed.

"Children," A woman said, wearing only a sack cloth beckoned to them, "The king has made a proclamation for us to humble ourselves from the inside out. We are to fast and wear sackcloth." She handed each of them a coarse, rough material made of goat hair that was fashioned into a modest smock. In a state of utter amazement, they accepted the offering and hastily changed. 

Tears filled Nim's eyes as his heart filled with gratitude.

"Are you okay?" Mara asked.

He took a moment before he answered. "God heard me. He's really real."

Mara smiled and embraced him. As they pulled apart to continue their search there was a man standing before them. 

"Children, go and tell your families that the Lord, God is aware of you. You are important to Him. He wants to save you and your people."

Nim's mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide. 

"Pray to God. Repent. Give thanks. And share what I have told you with those around you."

Jonah's words held power that pounded into Nim. He wanted to tell this mysterious man, this prophet, that he had prayed for him to come unto them. He wanted to tell him about the angel and the vessel that he had spent months working on. He wanted to tell him everything, but all that he did say was, 

"Thank you."

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Jonah Chapter 1 

17 Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

Jonah Chapter 3

5 So the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them.

Jonah - Part 3

Nim did not know how to build a vessel. But that didn't stop him from trying. He put his best effort into following the instructions given by the angel. He gathered wood and bone from around the area. He worked on it diligently every day. Sometimes his friend, Mara, would come with him. She thought it was exciting to gather material to do the commands of God. Their hard work reflected in quality and progress. 

Nim completed everything the angel had told him to do in about three months. When he was done he had a framework that looked a lot like a bird cage. Only this was a huge bird cage that was large enough to easily fit both him and Mara.

"You did it! You're done." Mara exclaimed but Nim just shook his head with confusion visible on his face.

"I did everything the angel told me to do, but he also told me to make it airtight. This is anything but that!" He shoved his arm through the gap between two ribs. 

The two friends sat down within the frame of the vessel as if in a jail.

"I don't know where to go from here."

"Maybe you could try talking to God again."

"Good idea." Nim hadn't considered that the angel hadn't given him the whole answer. He hadn't considered that God would instruct little attainable bit by little attainable bit. The two knelt as he asked God:

"Oh God, I have done all you have asked. I followed your instructions the best I could. But I don't know where to go from here. Please help me know how to make it airtight."

They waited for an angel to arrive but no one came. They ended up falling asleep. When they awoke the next morning, there was a very large fish that was laying beside the frame of the vessel. Dead. 

At first they were frightened. He thought someone had been there and left the fish to rot. He jumped up and walked around it to see if someone was hiding on the other side. But upon closer examination he found no evidence of anyone else having been there. The fish also seemed to have just leapt out of the sea and got stuck on land. He felt almost sad for it, then he saw that it was very close in size to the structure he had assembled. He looked at it for a long time, watching as a plan unfolded before his eyes. It showed him in his mind how he was meant to use it in order to secure the vessel and keep it airtight. 

"Nim, Nim!" Mara shook him by the shoulder. 

He slowly turned his head to look at her, as if coming out of a trance. He smiled, "I know what to do next!"

It was a disgusting challenge that he did not enjoy, but he knew it would work, so he persevered and got the work done. He meticulously sewed the the skin to the frame and pierced the bones though the skin around the ribs of the frame. He and Mara worked all that day on this slimy task and did not finish until the end of the week.

When they were done he prayed and he asked God to approve his vessel. This time the angel appeared and gave a little more direction. 

"Nim, because you have kept the commandments of God you may go 100 yards into those trees and find nourishment. Then you will get back to work. Cut a hole in the vessel between the third and fourth rib in the design I will show you."

Nim and Mara ventured 100 yards into the trees and found a fig tree with the moonlight illuminating it from above. It was full of ripe, juicy fruit ready to eat. Once they were filled they returned to finish the direction from God. Nim carefully cut two slits in the skin from third and fourth rib. One at the top and one at the bottom. He then sliced along the fourth rib from the top slit to the bottom slit to create a flap. He then reinforced the flap with bones from the fish to make it rigid. Finally he secured it to the fourth rib so it would stay closed and air tight. 

Then he knelt and prayed to God again. Again the angel appeared. This time he approved his hard work and told him to do something far harder than constructing such a vessel. He told him to throw it into the sea. Then he was gone. 

Nim's eye twitched. 

He wants me to throw it into the sea?! I've worked months on this. I painstakingly following the directions of God to create this and now He wants me to just throw it away? How can I throw away all of my hard work?

Nim was angry. Instead of throwing his creation into the sea to be destroyed he went home to sleep. But of course he could not sleep. He laid on his mat with a furrowed brow. Mentally criticizing God for being cruel enough to tell him to make something and then just destroy it. As he let his thoughts move through the stages of grief, he arrived at reason. 

God told me to make this weird vessel thing and now he just wants me to throw it into the sea. I don't even know why this was what he wanted me to do when I asked him to save me and my people. Maybe God knows more than me. Maybe this is what He wanted from the very beginning. I have no use for this vessel but maybe God does. 

Nim arose from his mat and trudged back to his spot by the seaside. He stood looking at the mysterious vessel that he had created with his own hands. And then he pushed it into the sea.

At that moment the sea erupted as if angry. Tossing and turning the vessel dragging it deep into the water - far away from him. He watched it for as long as he could and knew that he would never see it again.

Questions and wonder filled his mind as to what God was thinking and what He had planned. Why would He ask so much of Nim without really answering his prayer? What could His plan possibly be?

Anger and confusion were met with peace. He knew that this is what the Lord had asked of him.

"I can only do what I can do." Nim said and returned home to wait upon the Lord.

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Jonah Chapter 1 

6...What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not.

11 Then said they unto him, What shall we do unto thee, that the sea may be calm unto us? for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous.

12 And he said unto them, Take me up, and cast me forth into the sea; so shall the sea be calm unto you: for I know that for my sake this great tempest is upon you.

Jonah - Part 2

There was one young boy of only six by the name of Nim who could recognize the evil around him for what it really was. It repulsed him. He dreaded the day of homecoming. The heads terrified him, and the stench of death turned his stomach. Nim loved the other children in the compound and the motherly figures who took care of him. Their compound had dozens of women which meant there were dozens of children.

While there were some who seemed to love the cruel and grotesque practices of their culture, many were just as scared as he was. They dreaded joining the military. They were frightened of the lifeless faces on the body-less heads. These children wanted to play and laugh and learn like any other child. Instead they were spat upon or kicked aside if they were ever seen. Detesting the men who were returning from war. The men they were destined to become. 

_____________

One unfortunate evening, Nim was in the kitchen when the men returned. While he hid out of sight he saw the men beat the eunuchs and concubines before taking them away to have their way with them.

It scared him so much that he ran away. He didn't know where he was running until he reached the edge of the river. He felt safer there than at the compound, so he stayed there until morning. Too young to fully recognize the danger of the wild beasts of the land, but wise enough to know the beasts of his home were worse.

This became a place of refuge for him.

Nim quietly retreated to this spot over the next five years each time there was a homecoming of warriors. He escaped the stench of death and the victorious bon fire rituals. 

_____________

"Adah, you need to comply or your beating will be worse. The king is god and this is his direction." Mahlah advised her friend.

"Oh, Mahlah, there is no god. Not on this earth or in any other realm. If there were a god we wouldn't be put through all of this." Adah refuted.

Nim overheard this debate and made him think about God in a wholly new way. A god in any other realm? He had never considered this. He pondered on this often and found himself hoping it were true and finally decided to try talking to it.

One evening when he had escaped to the waterside. He figured that if it were at all possible for there to be a god in any realm, then it might be possible for it to hear him.

He had no idea what prayer was, let alone how it was supposed to look or sound. He just opened his mouth and this is what came out:

Oh God of heaven and this world, if you are real please hear me. My heart aches because of the awful practices of my people. I am sick at the thought of going to war and bringing back the heads of the men that I would be required to slaughter. This cannot be right. Please save me and my people! 

This may not have been a perfectly uttered prayer, but God is a God of miracles. God knows and loves each one of us. God most certainly did hear this heartfelt prayer.

_____________

God knew this young man's heart and he knew his people were able to change because they, too, were children of God.

When Nim finished his prayer he stood up and looked at the water rushing past him. An overwhelming feeling of peace entered his heart and mind and goosebumps raised on his skin. As he turned away from the seaside an angel appeared to him. 

"Blessed are you, Nim. You have shown great faith. God knows you and loves you. He is proud of you."

Nim's mouth fell open. 

The angel continued, "You will construct a vessel."

"What's a vessel? And how do you make one?"

"You have the resources around you. It must be air-tight and modeled after the design which I will show you."

Nim was utterly exhausted after this interaction that he fell to the earth and slept for two days. When he awoke he thought it had been a dream. But then the reality of it set in and he felt the urgency to go and tell his peers at the compound. 

When he stumbled back into the compound he confided first  in his closest friend, Mara, a girl a few months younger than him. She was the only one who had noticed him missing. She had worried that he had been trampled or taken when he didn't return after the first day. She advised him not to tell anyone else or he would be killed. She had so many questions.

"Are you sure it was an angel? How do you know it wasn't evil?"

"Yes. I know it was and I cannot deny what happen. He stood in front of me in the air, surrounded by light. He spoke to me and taught me about God."

"But how will building a vessel help us?"

"Yeah... I thought that was a very strange, too." 

Nim was dumbfounded as to why this was the answer to his prayer. How on earth is a vessel supposed to help him? Much less save his people.  

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Jonah Chapter 2

7 When my soul fainted within me I remembered the Lord: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple.

2 And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord, and he heard me; out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice.

Jonah - Part 1

There are many theories about the story of Jonah and the whale. Many debates as to what may have actually happened. Questions concerning the fish that swallowed him. Was it a whale? A fish? A different creature all together? How could Jonah have survived for three days? How could he have been swallowed without being crushed? Why would God choose to save such a wicked city? Could it just be a story the Lord uses to teach his people?

In my opinion it is true and it did really happened. Let me tell you my idea of how it could have gone down.

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Nineveh, as you may know, was an astonishingly wicked place, full of people doing evil with little to no redeeming qualities. 

Infidelity was not an option because marriage was nonexistent. Unfortunately, this subjugated prisoners of war, strangers who stumbled into their massive city, and even the poorest and weakest of their own people to become eunuchs and slaves and concubines to satisfy any and every carnal pleasure. As if that wasn't enough, exploration with animals and objects were also common. 

Of course children were produced. Baby boys were used to build their army. They were taught at a very young age to be bloodthirsty and carnally minded. They were fed on raw meat as children and whipped if not promptly obeying.

When the girls reached the age of 13 they were welcomed into a compound where they would earn their keep by cooking, cleaning, and performing for the men of the household. When boys reach the age of 13 they would join the military to become fighters, spending the first few years growing stronger and learning how to fight. Their end goal was to torcher and decapitate the enemy. They practiced on each other, sometimes fighting to the death, as well as with large wild cats. The boys who did not prove themselves strong enough were sent to join the girls at the compounds.

Nineveh was known to be merciless. In order to feel powerful they did all they could to further the pain from their hands. They beheaded the men that they killed during battle to keep their families from identifying them. The heads were brought back as trophies. They would burn them in a bonfire to honor and worship their king.

The king was sly and cunning. He made sure to teach his people that there was no other god than him. Telling them not to pray to an imaginary nymph, but to bathe in blood and call out his name. He wanted to be known as the most powerful being alive. In his efforts to prove this he wrestled lions and skinned prisoners alive. He ran a murderously efficient empire to terrify both his own people and anyone else who heard of them. The king was proud and vain, and encouraged his people to be likewise. The wealthy wore in fine and elaborate dress and jewelry.

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Jonah Chapter 1

2 ...Nineveh, that great city, ... for their wickedness is come up before me.