I have this thing where I think people don't want to talk to me about the things I want and need to talk about. And I hate the idea of taking up too much of someone's time. I feel guilty and weird about it. I think that's why I go to writing. I write so I can be concise and say what I mean. Sometimes when I just talk I end up rambling on like an idiot or I feel my mouth moving while I'm processing information which then comes out confusing and not actually what I mean to say.
So I will sometimes just not talk about what I need to or if it's something that's been on my mind I'll say, I know you don't want to talk about this, but... When this happens with my sister she's always like, ugh, Lisa! Why do you always do this? I want to talk about what you want to talk about. And then I feel like a person again. She always knows what to say.
My thing is that Austin didn't want to talk to me about what I wanted or needed to talk about. It got to the point where I dreaded talking to him about anything, and I'm still trying to get over this fear. I felt like I didn't have anything to say because he wasn't really interested in hearing it. My needs were left unmet. And I was always the one compromising in our marriage. But I was happy to do it because that's what marriage is about, right? Sacrificing to make your partner happy?
For example, he had left the church but still came for a while longer. You could look at this as a sacrifice on his part, or you could look at this as him being a decent human and actually not abandoning his family. Either way, I guess it was something. But there were sometimes things he wanted to do or events that would come up on Sundays. Like this attorney networking family picnic. He wanted to go but it was on a Sunday, during church. Of course I agreed that it would be good for us to skip church this one week in order to make it to this event. It was family oriented and beneficial in the long run. I was a really supportive wife and I always made helping him make connections and find a professional place a priority. This often went unappreciated. I felt like I was annoying to him.
So I developed this fear. But I am realizing that it might be affecting my current relationships, however serious they may or may not be. I think it's important to keep communication open and talk about my needs. I'm the type of person who wants to make others happy and will sacrifice my own wants and needs for someone else. I've done this to a fault, and have beaten myself up when I feel like I let others down. I feel like this happens if I can't sacrifice for them.
For example, a few months ago my best friend had a friend visiting from out of town. She wanted me to meet her and share my story with her. I was invited to go out with them after another activity I had attended. I had been up early that morning and late the night before (what else is new?). I was stretched thin because of work and other commitments. I was exhausted and needed sleep. But she was counting on me. I didn't want to go at this point, but I felt I should go. I got in my car and talked with my sister on the phone before driving anywhere. I found myself sobbing and being told that I needed to put myself first (for once). So I did. I let my friend know I wouldn't be able to make it and I went home to bed.
Being able to talk about my needs or unmet needs is important, and I expect the significant people in my life to talk with me about their needs, too. Because I do want to make others happy and I do want to sacrifice for the people I love and care about. I think sacrifice has a negative connotation, but I also think it's an important form of showing pure love for others.
Christ lived His life this way. He died this way. He sacrificed His life -- the way He lived as well as actually dying -- to show His love for His Father and for each of us. He had more capacity to sacrifice than we do, and we are not asked or expected to do it at the extent He did. He wants us to be happy. Sometimes that means sacrificing for others, and sometimes that means letting others sacrifice for us.
So I will sometimes just not talk about what I need to or if it's something that's been on my mind I'll say, I know you don't want to talk about this, but... When this happens with my sister she's always like, ugh, Lisa! Why do you always do this? I want to talk about what you want to talk about. And then I feel like a person again. She always knows what to say.
My thing is that Austin didn't want to talk to me about what I wanted or needed to talk about. It got to the point where I dreaded talking to him about anything, and I'm still trying to get over this fear. I felt like I didn't have anything to say because he wasn't really interested in hearing it. My needs were left unmet. And I was always the one compromising in our marriage. But I was happy to do it because that's what marriage is about, right? Sacrificing to make your partner happy?
For example, he had left the church but still came for a while longer. You could look at this as a sacrifice on his part, or you could look at this as him being a decent human and actually not abandoning his family. Either way, I guess it was something. But there were sometimes things he wanted to do or events that would come up on Sundays. Like this attorney networking family picnic. He wanted to go but it was on a Sunday, during church. Of course I agreed that it would be good for us to skip church this one week in order to make it to this event. It was family oriented and beneficial in the long run. I was a really supportive wife and I always made helping him make connections and find a professional place a priority. This often went unappreciated. I felt like I was annoying to him.
So I developed this fear. But I am realizing that it might be affecting my current relationships, however serious they may or may not be. I think it's important to keep communication open and talk about my needs. I'm the type of person who wants to make others happy and will sacrifice my own wants and needs for someone else. I've done this to a fault, and have beaten myself up when I feel like I let others down. I feel like this happens if I can't sacrifice for them.
For example, a few months ago my best friend had a friend visiting from out of town. She wanted me to meet her and share my story with her. I was invited to go out with them after another activity I had attended. I had been up early that morning and late the night before (what else is new?). I was stretched thin because of work and other commitments. I was exhausted and needed sleep. But she was counting on me. I didn't want to go at this point, but I felt I should go. I got in my car and talked with my sister on the phone before driving anywhere. I found myself sobbing and being told that I needed to put myself first (for once). So I did. I let my friend know I wouldn't be able to make it and I went home to bed.
Being able to talk about my needs or unmet needs is important, and I expect the significant people in my life to talk with me about their needs, too. Because I do want to make others happy and I do want to sacrifice for the people I love and care about. I think sacrifice has a negative connotation, but I also think it's an important form of showing pure love for others.
Christ lived His life this way. He died this way. He sacrificed His life -- the way He lived as well as actually dying -- to show His love for His Father and for each of us. He had more capacity to sacrifice than we do, and we are not asked or expected to do it at the extent He did. He wants us to be happy. Sometimes that means sacrificing for others, and sometimes that means letting others sacrifice for us.
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