When I started working for the government they told us that we were at a higher risk of public shootings. Especially since I worked at the recreation center. There were always an abundant amount of carefree casualties around. We had a life guard who was fired because he went crazy and told someone, maybe his therapist that he wanted to shoot the place up. We had to think about what we would do in that situation, understanding our roles as teachers and therefore protectors. I made a plan as to how I would keep my students and myself safe. I thought about it a lot.
I like to know my surroundings. I don't like it when people are behind me. Whether they are walking, or standing, or whatever the situation, I like to have my eyes on them. It lets me feel like I'm in control. I feel like I have a choice to acknowledge them and discern whether I am safe or need to fight or flee.
I'm one of those people who thinks about the worst case scenario. When I drive on the freeway I am constantly checking the lanes beside me in case I have to swerve out of the way for any number of reasons I could give you. One that comes to mind at this time is wrong way drivers. Sometimes, though, instead of envisioning avoiding the accident, I imagine a different conclusion. It's not that I would cause anything to happen. It's not that I really want something to happen. It's just, sometimes...
I like to know my surroundings. I don't like it when people are behind me. Whether they are walking, or standing, or whatever the situation, I like to have my eyes on them. It lets me feel like I'm in control. I feel like I have a choice to acknowledge them and discern whether I am safe or need to fight or flee.
I'm one of those people who thinks about the worst case scenario. When I drive on the freeway I am constantly checking the lanes beside me in case I have to swerve out of the way for any number of reasons I could give you. One that comes to mind at this time is wrong way drivers. Sometimes, though, instead of envisioning avoiding the accident, I imagine a different conclusion. It's not that I would cause anything to happen. It's not that I really want something to happen. It's just, sometimes...
Two things. When I was in elementary school I got some super wide sunglasses. I loved them because when I looked on the sides I could see behind me. I think you would enjoy those.
ReplyDeleteSecond: My mom had a hard life for a long time. My dad was inactive and he lost his business which sent him into a deep depression for years. My mom had to work 2-3 jobs at a time. She barely slept and her body started falling apart. He had an emergency hysterectomy, lost a lot of hearing, had breast cancer, and even a set of brain tumors. The breast cancer was found early and the tumors shrank once she got more sleep.
She has told me that there were a few times when she was on a long commute how she thought it would be so easy just to vear off the median and end it all. Her life was so hard at that time. She is forever thankful that she didn't. Her life has gotten much better.
I want you to know that you are a not alone even in those dispare moments. You are a good person. Thank you for fighting through the hardship.
The other thing is that I hope you are telling your kids how hard it is and what is going or at least will when they are old enough to understand. I didn't know anything about my mom's health issues until I was in college. I could have lost my mom in so many situations and didn't even know there were issues. I am glad she made it though, but I just feel like I never knew who my mom actually was. My family is the worst at communication. Please be better than we are.