A Truly GREAT Week!

The time has come and my show is up! I spent Wednesday setting up my show. Walking into a completely empty gallery was a little intimating, but I was excited to get started!



Thankfully I had my family there to help! It was a lot of work, especially the Tiny Lisa photos. I had to get them into a perfect grid. The gallery provided a laser level for us to use, which helped a lot with making the the edges perfect, but the outline was mainly my dad and Kimber!








Hanging the platform for the projector was exciting. At first, it was too close to the wall, making the size of the projection too small, so we had to move it back. It wasn't easy. but it was worth it. Hanging the veil was fun. I had my mom sew the top so that we would have something to thread the cable through. The challenge with the veil was complicated. It was far enough away from the wall that the image was nearly completely corrupted. You couldn't make out as many of the faces as you could have if I had printed it out as large as it was. On the other hand, it was probably better conceptually this way. I decided to pin up the top of the veil so that it billowed out a little, bunching the extra on the sides which would then fall forward too. This created a nice frame, made the image much more readable, and still referenced the veil. Awesome!



Here's a close up of the title of this piece:


The animations look amazing on the 4 foot TVs and 5 foot pedestals. All I had to do there was burn the DVDs. Thanks to Becky this worked out perfectly too!



Anxiety in Church


Anxiety in Public (watch this all the way through)




The vinyl was fun. I wanted to have the gallery print out the cutout I had created in adobe illustrator, but they didn't, so i had to create it freehand. It was fun though. I stood up against the wall while my mom and sister traced my silhouette with strips of vinyl. Then we adjusted it.



The first thing you see when you come to my gallery is a wall with my artist statement on it. (I like that you're confronted with a wall, it adds to my concept so subtly, and yet so poignantly.)



The lighting is dramatic, but necessary. I love it. It had to be dark for the projection; which is why the wall is there, to keep the outside light outside.



I had the review with my committee on Tuesday. It went really well! They all told me I had exceeded their expectations. They said that if they came in thinking it was an MFA (Masters of Fine Art) show they would believe it. They talked about each aspect of it, and let me explain further. When I told them about how real Tiny Lisa is to me (that I call her by name and everything) they pointed out that I think of her as a separate person, so the Tiny Lisa photos aren't even self portraits in a way. They said that must be a defense mechanism in a way. As I think about that I think that is really true. When I am on stage or in a role that is not my own, I am fearless, I can do anything without timidity. That's what Tiny Lisa does for me. She is also 2-dimensional in every way. After we talked about my show they asked what my plans were from here. I told them I want to have more shows like this one and I might do grad school. They told me about grad schools and that I could go anywhere because my portfolio is strong. Then they talked with me about the benefits of various ones.

My show will be up until November 29th. I have to take it down on the 30th. So act fast! You really don't want to miss it! (This post has taken me so long to write! Every time I work on it, something else comes up to steal me away.)

This has been a good week: Thursday was my opening reception, Friday and Saturday I celebrated my birthday, Sunday was good, Monday I was the featured artist in the DVA newsletter!!



Tuesday was my review, Wednesday I got to relax with great friends, and now it's Thanksgiving!



Could life get better than this? I submit that it could not!

I'm grateful my show is up, and that it was received so well and I am so grateful for the people in my life and the help and support they have given me. I look forward to having a party with all of you in Heaven!

Publicity Done Right

Oh my gosh! I am SO excited! My show is next week. Less than a week away. But I am DONE making the art for it... and it's all awesome (obviously)! I do need to make Tiny Lisa more sturdy, so that she can stand up in a gallery for two weeks (Yes, I call the cardboard cutout of myself by name and refer to it with she and her). It shouldn't be too difficult, though, I just need to go into the wood shop. I also need to get the sheer white curtain. They didn't have white at IKEA. lame. I did get some bamboo for Becky's new office while I was there, so it wasn't a total waste of a trip. and meatballs. mmm, meatballs.

Another thing that was a big deal that I had to take care of on top of making the art for my show and having meetings was PUBLICITY. I made postcards for my show. I'm kind of in love with them. I want you (whoever you might be) to participate! print it out, cut out tiny lisa, and take a picture with her. if you can't come to my show, email it to me.

This is the Front:



This is the Back:



You don't have to get the reference, but when I was trying to figure out what to say as Tiny Lisa a certain video kept coming into my mind. You'll probably think it's really weird, but I kind of love it.



I may have taken this over the top with the fliers I made and put up in the HFAC and JKB on BYU campus. I think they are so funny, and I couldn't pass up this idea. It's so ridiculous! I cut the bottom into slips (not strips. I called them strips at first, but thought that saying, "Tiny Lisa strips for people" was inappropriate...) for people to take with them to remember the time and date of my reception.



awesome, right? Time for the Dance of Joy.

Meetings and Miracles

Last week was truly a week of miracles. I had so much on my mind of things I needed to get done. I was overwhelmed and stressed out. i needed to meet with a member of my board (there are three men who will critique my show and decide if i get my BFA or not. it's kind of a big deal). I needed to schedule the HFAC for my reception. I needed to meet with my entire board as a whole for my Preliminary review. And i needed to meet with the gallery manager to discuss my plans for my show and make sure everything was doable.

My first meeting went really well. He liked my work and gave me useful feedback. I was really excited because he understood my concept and felt like my work depicted that in a cohesive way. I left his office feeling confident.

After my meeting, however, another student caught me to tell me she and two other girls were having their final exhibitions at the same time as mine, and that we all wanted the same time for our reception. Unfortunately, one of the other girls already reserved the space. This added to my stress and I'm pretty sure I had an anxiety attack, I felt faint and nauseated. I had already announced the time of my opening reception, and my parents would be in town, and I really didn't want to have to reschedule or cancell it. But as it turned out this was actually a miracle in disguise! All four of us who have our shows up at the same time decided to do our opening receptions together. This way we will have an awesome turn out, and go in on all the refreshments together. One of the girls came up with the menu, something I don't have to worry about any more; and another girl arranged having live music, which will be AWESOME! I'm really excited about that now, and not stressed at all.

On Wednesday i met with my entire committee. Although I was a little put off that my advisor was 20 min late (shows kind of a disrespect for me, doesn't it?) this meeting went really well too! I set up my work in the studio the way i plan on having it in the gallery. We discussed my concept and how the work supports it, and even how the order I have it displayed underlines everything. We decided i should have three projections, rather than having monitors or a tangible work hanging on the wall. and my favorite aspect is projecting my celebratory finale picture onto a sheer white curtain, referencing the veil, setting it apart as something without anxiety, something heavenly.

Meeting with the gallery director was the most nerve racking thing I had to do. I was worried because I emailed the gallery staff the weekend before and hadn't heard back from them yet. So I went in to talk with them to set it up in person. I talked with the director himself, and he was really nice about it and I was reassured that everything would go smoothly. I met with him on Friday morning. I came fully prepared with a layout of the gallery the way I wanted it. He looked over it as I explained what I had planned. He told me what would work and where i would run into problems. He told me to not underestimate my audience. he also told me three projections would prob not work, so I get to use two 4-foot TVs. yeah, i'm pretty excited about that! He resolved all the concerns I had and said he was excited to see it!

I am grateful that God is a God of miracles. He knows what we're doing and how to bless us. I can see His hand in my life, and I am grateful for that!

I Can Rest When I'm Dead

I have come to my last two weeks before my show. I guess you could say I'm freaking out. My anxiety has taken over my entire life. I thought I had insomnia before, but now I don't sleep... EVER.



When I lay down in my bed and close my eyes, my mind goes to all the things that need to be done. i sit up gasping as if i had been drowning. I feel like I'm drowning.

Let me tell you how my average Tuesday goes. It starts Monday afternoon when I wake up. I work on art while listening to a book on tape/podcast/show/movie/music until it's time to go to FHE. After that I come home, eat, make some goodies work on more art until it's time to go to my 8am class. After class I work on digital art until I go to devotional with Becky. We get lunch and I fall asleep in her office. I seriously don't stop until I physically can't go any longer.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Maybe i like it. I did this last fall semester too. i had other reasons then, but looking back, pushing myself that hard, it took a toll, but i love that time of my life. i learned so much in those four months and i accomplished a lot. I like being busy, but then i need a break. i need time to renew. perhaps that is the way my body likes to work. rather than a 24 hour cycle of being awake and asleep i have a 6 month cycle.

As a side note, I went as an old lady this year for Halloween...

Have you ever been there?

I met with some professors last week to talk about my final show, and how it was coming and what was working, or not working - and basically how to make it better. The main thing that needed improvement was the Tiny Lisa pictures.

in order to get a lot of people I took several photos at a game night, this was good for diversity in people but bad for diversity in background. I decided to continue taking pictures of more people, but also, to replace many of the other backgrounds.








These are some of my favorites so far. I want my art to be lighthearted, and these make me laugh, so I think they're successful.

The Importance of Having Friends

Friends really are important. I recently read an article, Stayin’ alive: That’s what friends are for that discussed a BYU study proving that having healthy social relationships "improve our odds of survival by 50 percent." The article reported that the lack of friends and infrequent social interaction has the same negative impact to smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. It said that not having friends is more harmful than not exercising and twice as harmful as obesity.

I feel like I've experienced the harmful effects of this. When I lose a friendship or have a relationship end, my physical (and emotional) health drops dramatically. I become more susceptible to illness and disease than I am when I'm in a healthy relationship -- be it romantic or platonic.

Here's an animation I made last year. It's not that I didn't have any friends, I was just overwhelmed with school, work, and didn't have/make time for people. It's short and kind of silly. I originally did it in the bottom corner of my notebook.

rub-a-dub-dub

I laid the sheets of paper out to get an idea of how it would look and got really excited!



my fingertips are raw, i have rubbed my painting so much. it's really painful. i decided after the first day, having lost half the skin on my poor little fingers, that i needed to find something else to rub the paper off. i got a bunch of cheep toothbrushes and they are working beautifully! my arm is sore though. it's amazing how labor intensive this process is...



I'm getting really frustrated with the way this is turning out. I was hoping that I had figured out the best ways to transfer, but i am quickly learning that is not the case. i think i should have done things differently. I should have taped the papers together and then cut out the figures. last time i transfer something this large i taped all the papers together, but working with a sheet that big caused problems. this time i left the papers separate, but now the seems are really prominent.



i've gone back over parts with paint, which hides it a little. i am considering starting over, or better yet, printing on large paper (3'x4'), and then wrapping that on the panels. the more i work on this the more i think that's what i'll end up doing. usually the more work i put into something the more i want to use it, and maybe that's why i want to use my digital creation - i wont lose any of the perfectly situated composition if i don't transfer it.

i painted my face, i'm not done with it yet, and decided i can't stop there. i'm going to paint the rest of myself, and see how i like that. i am not going to repaint every single person, but if i just repaint a few then it would imply something that's not meant.



detail

Process

So I've been working a lot on the large painting I'm going to have at my final show. I am composing it digitally, then I will gesso transfer it onto the two 3'x4' panels. Then I can paint it. I'm basically enlarging the painting that inspired my whole show.

Here's the process:
I took a couple pics of a carnival I went to with some friends a year ago and pieced them together.



I had to widen it to make the dimensions proportional to the two panels. I added depth to the sky, by lightening it with a few sunset pictures.





Then came the crowd. I worked and reworked the crowd until I got it right. First it was too congested, the composition was heavy and didn't feel natural. I finally got it to look the way a real crowd would maintaining a good composition.



I'm really happy with the way it turned out! There's space for the eye to rest. There are subtle lines to draw the eye through and back around. And the final touch was the welcoming Lisa in the front. I want this to look like I'm both beckoning you to join the fun, and welcoming you to my celebration. I had to construct this arm from the other.



I think I was successful.

Building Up Friends for Heaven

There is a quote by Lucy Mack Smith that has influenced me greatly, in my life and consequently in my art. It says, "We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction that we may all sit down in heaven together." When I think of this, it makes perfect sense. To be surrounded by the people you came to love in life.



One of the biggest things that has informed this body of work has been the seemingly bad things that have happened to me. The friends I have lost. The new situations I found myself in. Friends are important to me. When I let someone in to my life I let them into my heart and develop a relationship I can't imagine not having the rest of my life. Unfortunately, friendships end. People leave. Move on. Go in other directions. Betray you. Sometimes you can't help it. It hurts. The pain I have felt and the strength that comes from it is why I believe we will be friends in Heaven. Someone asked me why I would want to be friends with someone who had broken a friendship. The only answer I knew was because of forgiveness.

There is a scripture that goes along with this rather well. Doctrine and Covenants 130:2, "And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy."

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

I’ve been really sick this week. Like, ridiculously sick. I’ve had the flu. But one funny thing happened that oddly reminded me of a video by Bas Jan Ader called I’m Too Sad to Tell You. After an exhausting day I was washing my hands in the bathroom and I looked up at an unfamiliar face in the mirror. What I saw was horrific! My hair was frizzed and disheveled. My face was red and puffy. I just looked terrible. And in the state of mind I was in I had a mental breakdown, much like the one Howl had in Howl's Moving Castle. I started sobbing. Crying out three words over and over again. “I’m so ugly!” Becky came in to see what was wrong. She couldn’t help but laugh at me. She told me I wasn’t ugly, that I was just sick. But every time my swollen eyes opened I saw that face. A deeper shade of red every time I saw it. I couldn’t stop crying until Becky pulled me away from the mirror.

Tiny Lisa

I am expecting to have over a hundred photos with Tiny Lisa. Framed. They will all be the same, and they will all be different. The idea of this is to play with the importance I put on friendships and the anxiety I feel in meeting new people. Hopefully by crafting each frame and framing each individual photo I will communicate the importance of each individual. But by displaying them in a group it will disrupt that importance. How many best friends can a person have? What does it mean? To go along with that, I look the same in all the images, using “Tiny Lisa” demonstrates the displacement I feel while meeting new people and making new friends. Who may take the place of old friends.