In Relief Society today we talked about understanding why you do things. We watched this clip. Part of it was not new to me, but the understanding your why part was new. I appreciated it. You should take four minutes to watch it. It's better than the rest of my post anyway.
So anyway, there were a few things that came to mind for me to consider, but the lesson took us in the direction of ministering to others. So here's the thing. I've never had ministering people since they changed it over. I hear a lot of the blah blah blah crap about not wanting friends who are only there because you were assigned to them. I get it, but really, it's just an excuse to keep people out. Some of my best friends have come into my life because we were assigned to each other (I'm looking at you, Rachel, Shaelyn, and Marrie). Sometimes it's like the Lord knows what we need and who we need in our life better than we do. It's weird.
When I went through my divorce I was incredibly isolated. No one knew me. No one cared. Of course my family is a good support group for me, but my mom didn't know it was coming until he after moved out (on Good Friday). She then told my dad, my sister Kimber, and her husband. Which is good, because my daughter announced that her father got a new apartment at the Easter dinner table. She seemed fine with it. She didn't understand what it meant or why it happened. Becky knew it was coming because she's my person. I had been telling her a little about things for a long time. I had told her when we talked about getting divorced several months prior. I had told her some of the crippling things about our situation, but no where near everything. And by the time he was moving out Becky was understandably preoccupied with dating her now husband. So it was a lonely time.
I had a wall in my bedroom while I was in high school that was dedicated to uplifting and inspirational quotes, jokes, and other important information, along with pictures of Christ and a few select good looking actors. One of the quotes was a saying I both liked and really disliked:
I went out to find a friend but friends could not be found.
I went out to be a friend and friends were all around.
Sometimes we really need a friend. And we find ourselves alone. It might be during the most difficult period of our lives. It kinda reminds me of someone else... Oh yeah, it was Jesus Christ. You know, when He suffered in Gethsemane and then died on the cross after crying out to His Father. Arguably the most difficult period in His or anyone else's life. Also, there is no arguing about this point, it is in fact, undeniably, the most difficult thing anyone has ever endured and if you try to argue with me about it I'll probably divorce you. (wow, I'm in a sarcastic mood today. I apologize for the tone of this post.)
Mark 15:34 And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
I currently don't have an assignment to minister to anyone specific, but I do pray to know who the Lord wants me to reach out to. A couple weeks ago I was making chicken soup for dinner. I had made way too much. As I was chopping the vegetables and adding the broth I was thinking, wow this is a lot, why am I making so much?!
When I was done and it just needed to simmer for a little while longer, I took out the trash and the missionaries were outside the door. They asked for my mom, but she had left for Utah again, so I chatted with them for a little while. I asked them if they had plans for dinner and one said confidently, "Oh yeah." The other went along with it, but looked concerned. I pressed and found out the ward had forgotten to pass the sign up around so they had planned to go home and make something for themselves. I asked if I could bring them some of our dinner, and they excitedly agreed. I stopped by the store and got eggnog and ice cream for them, too.
The other fun part of this story is that they didn't really tell me where they lived, just basic cross roads and they disagreed on their apartment number. I thought it would be easy enough to find, so I let it go, but it was not easy to find, so I just drove there. Without really knowing where I was going. I made it.
This week I had signed up to feed the sister missionaries in my mid-singles ward. I double checked with them the day before. We had a conversation about it and made a plan. So when they cancelled on me after I had prepared an amazing meal, saying they were being fed by someone else that night (and acted like I was misinformed) I was a little upset.
I had all this food and no one to share it with. Like, no one, because even my kids were with their dad. I reached out to a few friends, but only one took me up on it. I felt frustrated and annoyed that my hard word was for nothing. But I found out that one of my friends that I had reached out to was having a really rough week and my invitation made a difference in her life, however small. Sometimes just knowing that someone cares is enough.
Obviously, I'm really good at this whole following the Spirit thing (So I don't think you can hear the tone of my voice when you read this, but it is sarcastic). Actually, I don't always know why I do things, but I do know I want to help people. I don't always know what that looks like, but I know what it feels like. In Sacrament meeting one of the speakers talked a lot about being a tool or an instrument in the Lord's hand. She talked about the value in extending an invitation.
Part of my why in sharing my story is so I can be that friend I didn't have. It's so that the me-from-two-years-ago people out there can know they are not alone. That there is someone like them. Rooting for them. Someone who made it through, though it wasn't the way I had planned, hoped, or wanted. It was worth it, and my life is better now.
So anyway, there were a few things that came to mind for me to consider, but the lesson took us in the direction of ministering to others. So here's the thing. I've never had ministering people since they changed it over. I hear a lot of the blah blah blah crap about not wanting friends who are only there because you were assigned to them. I get it, but really, it's just an excuse to keep people out. Some of my best friends have come into my life because we were assigned to each other (I'm looking at you, Rachel, Shaelyn, and Marrie). Sometimes it's like the Lord knows what we need and who we need in our life better than we do. It's weird.
When I went through my divorce I was incredibly isolated. No one knew me. No one cared. Of course my family is a good support group for me, but my mom didn't know it was coming until he after moved out (on Good Friday). She then told my dad, my sister Kimber, and her husband. Which is good, because my daughter announced that her father got a new apartment at the Easter dinner table. She seemed fine with it. She didn't understand what it meant or why it happened. Becky knew it was coming because she's my person. I had been telling her a little about things for a long time. I had told her when we talked about getting divorced several months prior. I had told her some of the crippling things about our situation, but no where near everything. And by the time he was moving out Becky was understandably preoccupied with dating her now husband. So it was a lonely time.
I had a wall in my bedroom while I was in high school that was dedicated to uplifting and inspirational quotes, jokes, and other important information, along with pictures of Christ and a few select good looking actors. One of the quotes was a saying I both liked and really disliked:
I went out to find a friend but friends could not be found.
I went out to be a friend and friends were all around.
Sometimes we really need a friend. And we find ourselves alone. It might be during the most difficult period of our lives. It kinda reminds me of someone else... Oh yeah, it was Jesus Christ. You know, when He suffered in Gethsemane and then died on the cross after crying out to His Father. Arguably the most difficult period in His or anyone else's life. Also, there is no arguing about this point, it is in fact, undeniably, the most difficult thing anyone has ever endured and if you try to argue with me about it I'll probably divorce you. (wow, I'm in a sarcastic mood today. I apologize for the tone of this post.)
Mark 15:34 And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
I currently don't have an assignment to minister to anyone specific, but I do pray to know who the Lord wants me to reach out to. A couple weeks ago I was making chicken soup for dinner. I had made way too much. As I was chopping the vegetables and adding the broth I was thinking, wow this is a lot, why am I making so much?!
When I was done and it just needed to simmer for a little while longer, I took out the trash and the missionaries were outside the door. They asked for my mom, but she had left for Utah again, so I chatted with them for a little while. I asked them if they had plans for dinner and one said confidently, "Oh yeah." The other went along with it, but looked concerned. I pressed and found out the ward had forgotten to pass the sign up around so they had planned to go home and make something for themselves. I asked if I could bring them some of our dinner, and they excitedly agreed. I stopped by the store and got eggnog and ice cream for them, too.
The other fun part of this story is that they didn't really tell me where they lived, just basic cross roads and they disagreed on their apartment number. I thought it would be easy enough to find, so I let it go, but it was not easy to find, so I just drove there. Without really knowing where I was going. I made it.
This week I had signed up to feed the sister missionaries in my mid-singles ward. I double checked with them the day before. We had a conversation about it and made a plan. So when they cancelled on me after I had prepared an amazing meal, saying they were being fed by someone else that night (and acted like I was misinformed) I was a little upset.
 |
| See, It was clearly me who was signed up. |
Obviously, I'm really good at this whole following the Spirit thing (So I don't think you can hear the tone of my voice when you read this, but it is sarcastic). Actually, I don't always know why I do things, but I do know I want to help people. I don't always know what that looks like, but I know what it feels like. In Sacrament meeting one of the speakers talked a lot about being a tool or an instrument in the Lord's hand. She talked about the value in extending an invitation.
Part of my why in sharing my story is so I can be that friend I didn't have. It's so that the me-from-two-years-ago people out there can know they are not alone. That there is someone like them. Rooting for them. Someone who made it through, though it wasn't the way I had planned, hoped, or wanted. It was worth it, and my life is better now.
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