In Remembrance of Ben

About two weeks ago my friend and ex-brother-in-law passed away. We were friends in college and I have a lot of memories with him. Since his memorial is today, in Idaho, I will share some of my memories here:

We were in the same singles ward when I lived in the Brittany. he flirted with me a lot and we went out a couple times. He drove a little green car. He would flip cars which would take up extra spots in our parking lot, which was kind of annoying but I think he also paid for a covered parking spot so I guess it worked out okay.

Becky and I got locked out of our car once and we asked him for some help he came and he looked at it and he said I need a slim Jim to open this, called AutoZone to ask if they had them and the guy was like, "yes, and more!" so he went down to pick it up and he came back without the tool he needed. he said yeah, they had beef jerky.

he was always looking to make a buck. I remember he participated in a competition to win front row tickets to the BYU football game and when he won he sold them. but he had called up some audience members to crack eggs all over him and he asked me specifically ahead of time if I would participate. he told me to get the last egg and put it in his mouth and pop his chin to break in his mouth-disgusting. there's a picture of it somewhere.

He took me to Diwali. Made me watch that episode of the office beforehand and then bought me some peacock feathers on our date. The food was bitter, but the dancing was sweet.

We went on a hike with some of our ward friends up to Timpanogos caves. my sister is not the best hiker (she doesn't like the outdoors) so we were much slower, but he stayed with us the whole time. it was just a demonstration of his kind patient heart. 

He walked me to class once. It was September 18th. We had a conversation where he used a hypothetical girls name and we both thought of the name Janis. I learned later that was his birthday.

Another year on my birthday, my roommates threw me a surprise party and he brought this amazing candle that started out as like a closed flower and then as it played music it open up slowly and it lit more parts of the candle as spun around. it was so cool!

Another girl's apartment that we were pretty good friends with was having a party. I invited him to come to it. we made outfits out of newspaper and it was just a silly night. Oh my goodness, I just remembered, my friend and I were trying to light a match for some reason, but we didn't have the matchbox, so we're trying to do it on our zippers. he came in and laughed. He taught us they had to be strike anywhere matches. we didn't realize that. 

I remember we went country dancing once, on campus. he was a very forceful dancer - not a very good dancer, but it was fun.

One year Becky and i didn't go home for Thanksgiving and had a friendsgiving with the other members of our ward who also didn't go home. he and Candace were part of this group. Candace took charge and prepared an amazing meal and then we all went to the movies. we saw Stardust but he and Candace went to a different movie.

Our ward had a Sadie Hawkins dance. I asked Kent and my roommates asked his roommates, Becky went with Ryan, Chelsea went with Shea, and Alicia asked Mac, but he couldn't go for some reason, so she asked Ben, since he and Candace were on an off-again phase of their relationship. I remember Ben danced with me there. it's actually really sweet he noticed that I was upset about something and when he dance with me he made me put my feet on his feet and then we switched, hahaha.

Years later when I got engaged to his brother he was very happy and supportive, recalling some of the good times we had together, and said I was beautiful.

He's always helping

He's always helping

My heart broke when I learned that he left the church. I didn't know at the time that Austin had left too. And later I was there with his wife when she learned some upsetting news.

he hired a crazy lady off the street to wave a sign and have a purpose. she was enthusiastic even if she didn't bring in customers. I think it says a lot about his character that he paid her even though it wasn't benefiting him anything.

He so generously provided the cabin, the food (including wine for every dinner), the entertainment, everything that we needed for our last family reunion. He even flew people up if they couldn't afford it. He's so generous and I'm so grateful that we had that time to thank him. and I'm grateful for Matt and Joy for putting together that video of each one of us thanking him and sharing a memory of him because I think it gave us a chance to say goodbye. Even if we didn't realize it. I mean I knew that I was going to be leaving but no one else did. and no one knew Ben only had a couple more years.

See how he's always helping

I am even grateful that he and Austin were able to get closer in recent years. I remember after he paid for all of us to go drive go carts, He and most of his brothers were getting drunk, and he expressed to me that it must be really hard for me to have a husband who left the church and doesn't believe the same things as I do. and he was right! it was really hard. REALLY hard. unbearable in fact (which is why I'm divorced now), but he was thoughtful about it and compassionate even. he didn't try to convince me to leave, he just was kind.

He even took time at Elena's wedding in January to talk with me. He was a good friend and a really good person. I will miss him, But I'm thankful that I knew him.

Love you Ben.