Hope is not lost

The past couple weeks have been really hard,

I've cried like the drool of a great St. Bernard.

Memories flood in of my fun college times.

The friends that I made and their mistake, and their crimes.

Two Dr. Seuss books I read to my children, not tall.

Before I finish writing, a break I shall take which may be quite small.

~~~

The week after Ben died I learned that my friend from college, Mac, is in prison for attempt murder. This still feels unreal to me. I can't even imagine my friend going down a path that would include drugs and violence.

But it has gotten me thinking about the juxtaposition of these two good people. For some reason I can't help but see the parallel that my two dear friends have created. 

My one friend is in prison and my other friend is in spirit prison. 

It made me ask: who is in a better position? if Mac gets 35 years in prison he has time to repent and coming to Christ. He will be kept away from drugs and other temptations. But he will miss out on his whole life. he won't get out until he's 65, that's old enough to retire. he won't get to have a family he won't get to have a career. But Ben died in his sins. He has already abandoned God. My hope is that he will realize, "oh huh, I'm still here. oh yeah, I remember,  this must be the spirit world." 

His mother taught him well and raised him in the Gospel. My hope is that he will repent. I also hope his passing will benefit the life of his wife and children. She filed for divorce, but didn't go through with it. but she's never been able to leave him. For better or worse, she loves him. This will hopefully free her and let her move on. And hopefully come back to the Lord. My hope is that his children will find the gospel and the plan of happiness will resonate with them. I have hope and hope is never lost.

Lots of prayers have been offered. These events have impacted me more than I think they should have. They have weighed me down and I feel filled with sorrow, not just for them, but for their mothers. I received a blessing that has helped lift me up and clear my mind. 

I found comfort in a general conference talk that said it is easier to repent on this earth in this life but it is not impossible in the spirit world. See the talk Cleansed by Repentance by President Oaks here.

Some specific parts that stood out are below:

Under the laws of man, a person guilty of the most serious crimes can be sentenced to life in prison without possibility of parole. But it is different under the merciful plan of a loving Heavenly Father. I have witnessed that these same serious sins can be forgiven in mortality because of our Savior’s atoning sacrifice for the sins of “all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit”

Although we are taught that some repentance can occur in the spirit world (see Doctrine and Covenants 138:31, 33, 58), that is not as certain. Elder Melvin J. Ballard taught: “It is much easier to overcome and serve the Lord when both flesh and spirit are combined as one. This is the time when men are more pliable and susceptible. … This life is the time to repent.”

We must not “procrastinate the day of [our] repentance” until death, Amulek taught (Alma 34:33), because the same spirit that has possessed our body in this life—whether the Lord’s or the devil’s—“will have power to possess [our] body in that eternal world” (Alma 34:34). Our Savior has the power and stands ready to cleanse us from evil. Now is the time to seek His help to repent of our wicked or unseemly desires and thoughts to be clean and prepared to stand before God at the Final Judgment

Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive” (3 Nephi 9:14)

Guys, don't do rugs.
PLEASE! Drugs ruin lives.