I like almost everything about being single again. I like the quiet church meetings with profound insights. I like the social events. I like my new group of friends. I like the game nights. I like the nervous feelings of having crushes. I like not being stuck in a relationship with someone by whom I'm disgusted. I like having friends who are like me. Who have been through hard things. Even the thought of dating is exciting and hopeful. But there is one thing I really don't like: FIRST DATES.
First dates are the worst.
The first date I went on after my divorce was with this really sweet guy I met on a dating app. When I met him at the restaurant, he was tiny. He told me his life story and mentioned that I was older than him. It wasn't a great date and I didn't even get a hug (which is okay, because I would have felt like a giant or his mom or something).
One of the next first dates I went on was with this guy who I had talked with a lot. He is really good at getting me to open up and get into the details of my life. He was less concerned with telling me his life story or even asking the classic first date questions (where are you from? what do you do?). But there was no chemistry, I'm not attracted to him, and he kept the heater blowing on me the entire time=miserable! Worst of all, he invited himself into my tiny house and then judged me for living in such a small space. He made me feel like I needed to be rescued.
Another first date I had was with someone I call Hugh Grant guy. And this was actually not a date, but a ward linger longer. He is a sweet guy that I always try to talk with. Funny story, actually, I initially noticed him because he looks like Hugh Grant (hence the nickname). Then I sat by him at a break the fast and asked him his name. He told me and immediately got up and left the table. No, I didn't get the hint, he seems to be a really shy guy who needs a friend, so I didn't give up. I kept saying hi to him, using his name. He stopped in the hall once to talk with me. Each time after that was more and more interesting. Well this particular Sunday I sat by him to eat instead of my group of friends I usually sit with. He talked with me a lot, asking all the first date questions, and even showing me pictures of his family. This is the day he learned that I am a mom and I haven't seen or spoken to him since.
First dates even suck when they're with the person you're actually interested in. This happened to me recently. Leading up to our date I was so excited that cloud nine looked like a rain cloud. He was being extra attentive and smiley with me. But on the date I was nervous. I felt like I should talk more, but then my baggage got in the way. I had some emotional abuse in my marriage and talking too much was part of that. So I worry. I also hate talking about my ex-husband, but I had recently had this guy give me a blessing. He followed up on what I told him, and that included mentioning my ex. Ugh! I've also been told that I'm not a good story teller, so I feel self-conscious about that. The thing is, this guy is one of my best friends. I'm sure he knows how I tell stories and enjoys conversing with me. We've talked easily for an hour before about random things like anime shows from our childhood. He did a good job on our date, even if I was speechless.
I enjoyed spending time with him, but afterward I felt stressed. I felt upset that my BIL let him into my parents house instead of redirecting him to my tiny house, especially since they're a hot mess over there. I keep my house a certain way, and didn't want that to be his first impression. I felt worried that he didn't have a great time on the date. I felt sad because it was over. I had the post-date blues. That's always what we called it in college.
But now, I have more clarity. I think it was a good date. I'm glad our first date is over and I still wish there was a way to skip to the fourth date. But I feel happy.
Happy that it happened.
First dates are the worst.
The first date I went on after my divorce was with this really sweet guy I met on a dating app. When I met him at the restaurant, he was tiny. He told me his life story and mentioned that I was older than him. It wasn't a great date and I didn't even get a hug (which is okay, because I would have felt like a giant or his mom or something).
One of the next first dates I went on was with this guy who I had talked with a lot. He is really good at getting me to open up and get into the details of my life. He was less concerned with telling me his life story or even asking the classic first date questions (where are you from? what do you do?). But there was no chemistry, I'm not attracted to him, and he kept the heater blowing on me the entire time=miserable! Worst of all, he invited himself into my tiny house and then judged me for living in such a small space. He made me feel like I needed to be rescued.
Another first date I had was with someone I call Hugh Grant guy. And this was actually not a date, but a ward linger longer. He is a sweet guy that I always try to talk with. Funny story, actually, I initially noticed him because he looks like Hugh Grant (hence the nickname). Then I sat by him at a break the fast and asked him his name. He told me and immediately got up and left the table. No, I didn't get the hint, he seems to be a really shy guy who needs a friend, so I didn't give up. I kept saying hi to him, using his name. He stopped in the hall once to talk with me. Each time after that was more and more interesting. Well this particular Sunday I sat by him to eat instead of my group of friends I usually sit with. He talked with me a lot, asking all the first date questions, and even showing me pictures of his family. This is the day he learned that I am a mom and I haven't seen or spoken to him since.
First dates even suck when they're with the person you're actually interested in. This happened to me recently. Leading up to our date I was so excited that cloud nine looked like a rain cloud. He was being extra attentive and smiley with me. But on the date I was nervous. I felt like I should talk more, but then my baggage got in the way. I had some emotional abuse in my marriage and talking too much was part of that. So I worry. I also hate talking about my ex-husband, but I had recently had this guy give me a blessing. He followed up on what I told him, and that included mentioning my ex. Ugh! I've also been told that I'm not a good story teller, so I feel self-conscious about that. The thing is, this guy is one of my best friends. I'm sure he knows how I tell stories and enjoys conversing with me. We've talked easily for an hour before about random things like anime shows from our childhood. He did a good job on our date, even if I was speechless.
I enjoyed spending time with him, but afterward I felt stressed. I felt upset that my BIL let him into my parents house instead of redirecting him to my tiny house, especially since they're a hot mess over there. I keep my house a certain way, and didn't want that to be his first impression. I felt worried that he didn't have a great time on the date. I felt sad because it was over. I had the post-date blues. That's always what we called it in college.
But now, I have more clarity. I think it was a good date. I'm glad our first date is over and I still wish there was a way to skip to the fourth date. But I feel happy.
Happy that it happened.
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