At the beginning of the school year, Amelia came home and said she'd been beat up. It was true. A boy in her class had pushed her down, stepped on her chest, and had another kid kick her. A couple weeks later she came home and told me they were friends now.
A couple weeks ago I had a parent teacher conference and learned that Amelia had slapped another girl in the face. I talked to her about it a lot and this week as we were leaving school this other girl excitedly, and with loving friendship, shouted goodbye to Amelia. They are friends now, too.
Kids are resilient and forgiving.
I feel like I'm supposed to be a good example for my children and I strive to be each day. But over and over again I find myself learning from them. Amelia has been a great example of forgiveness. Sure, we all make mistakes, and we can all improve, but we can also forgive and be better each day.
In January I went to a fireside called Courage! For the Lord is on our side. The speaker did an amazing job. It was obvious that he prepared well because he was concise in what he shared and brought the spirit in a powerful way. He spoke about the hard things he's had to endure from restless legs syndrome and ADHD, to abuse and guilt.
As a youth he went on a scouting hiking trip where he and a couple friends got lost. When the leader found them, instead of expressing relief and joy, he reacted in anger and violence. Grabbing him by the neck and throwing him on the ground face first. This not only gave him a bloody nose, but a resolve to never come back to church. After relaying this to his parents, his angelic mother convinced him to apologize to the leader (I hope I will be able to react in such a kind way in teaching my children - when Amelia got beat up I explained that he must get picked on a lot at home and to show kindness in any future interactions, but to try to avoid him).
In response to the apology the leader threw him out of his house and told him to never come back. On the walk back to his mothers car he had a miraculous experience. He felt light. Peace. And forgiveness. God was able to enter his heart fully for the first time.
Years later, after making choices that prevented him from serving a mission, repenting, and marrying in the temple, he served eight years as ward mission leader. He struggled with an internal battle of feeling worthy. So when he was asked to serve at the stake level his mouth said yes, but his inside shouted "Oh no!"
One of the leaders who he had never met before paused, observed, and felt impressed to give him a blessing. In it he said, "The Lord has forgiven you. It's time to forgive yourself." In that moment he felt the way he did as a youth while walking from a hostile door to his mothers car. He felt overwhelmed with forgiveness for himself and the love of God.
His talk touched my heart and gave direction to my life. The rest of it was also really good. He taught that Satan tells us we're alone. This is something I've struggled with over the past few years. But knowing where those thoughts come from and that I am in fact not alone has helped me. Another thing he said that pushed me in the direction God wanted me to go was, "Courage means being scared out of your mind and still going forward."
I tend to want to run and hide, especially when there's so much potential happiness offered at once. See, where there's potential happiness there's also potential heartache. I'm scared of hurting again. My heart has been through so much and there are certain things I don't want to go through again. At the time of this fireside I was feeling okay about casually dating again, but felt directed from God to move forward with Trevor.
I wanted to share the stories from the fireside with him because I thought he would appreciate them, relate to them, and benefit from them. I waited until he opened up a little more about his story. I also wanted to share with him the experience I had. I wanted him to understand that I was open to moving forward with him. That I was ready to push through the fears that may never leave me. There are things in my past that I need to forgive and let go of so that I can have the strength to hold on to what the Lord wants for me.
One of the first things Austin told me after he left the church was to not hope, but Trevor has told me that he wants me to hope. It seems he understand my heart and what my soul needs. I'm grateful that God didn't let me run and hide this time.
A couple weeks ago I had a parent teacher conference and learned that Amelia had slapped another girl in the face. I talked to her about it a lot and this week as we were leaving school this other girl excitedly, and with loving friendship, shouted goodbye to Amelia. They are friends now, too.
Kids are resilient and forgiving.
I feel like I'm supposed to be a good example for my children and I strive to be each day. But over and over again I find myself learning from them. Amelia has been a great example of forgiveness. Sure, we all make mistakes, and we can all improve, but we can also forgive and be better each day.
In January I went to a fireside called Courage! For the Lord is on our side. The speaker did an amazing job. It was obvious that he prepared well because he was concise in what he shared and brought the spirit in a powerful way. He spoke about the hard things he's had to endure from restless legs syndrome and ADHD, to abuse and guilt.
As a youth he went on a scouting hiking trip where he and a couple friends got lost. When the leader found them, instead of expressing relief and joy, he reacted in anger and violence. Grabbing him by the neck and throwing him on the ground face first. This not only gave him a bloody nose, but a resolve to never come back to church. After relaying this to his parents, his angelic mother convinced him to apologize to the leader (I hope I will be able to react in such a kind way in teaching my children - when Amelia got beat up I explained that he must get picked on a lot at home and to show kindness in any future interactions, but to try to avoid him).
In response to the apology the leader threw him out of his house and told him to never come back. On the walk back to his mothers car he had a miraculous experience. He felt light. Peace. And forgiveness. God was able to enter his heart fully for the first time.
Years later, after making choices that prevented him from serving a mission, repenting, and marrying in the temple, he served eight years as ward mission leader. He struggled with an internal battle of feeling worthy. So when he was asked to serve at the stake level his mouth said yes, but his inside shouted "Oh no!"
One of the leaders who he had never met before paused, observed, and felt impressed to give him a blessing. In it he said, "The Lord has forgiven you. It's time to forgive yourself." In that moment he felt the way he did as a youth while walking from a hostile door to his mothers car. He felt overwhelmed with forgiveness for himself and the love of God.
His talk touched my heart and gave direction to my life. The rest of it was also really good. He taught that Satan tells us we're alone. This is something I've struggled with over the past few years. But knowing where those thoughts come from and that I am in fact not alone has helped me. Another thing he said that pushed me in the direction God wanted me to go was, "Courage means being scared out of your mind and still going forward."
I tend to want to run and hide, especially when there's so much potential happiness offered at once. See, where there's potential happiness there's also potential heartache. I'm scared of hurting again. My heart has been through so much and there are certain things I don't want to go through again. At the time of this fireside I was feeling okay about casually dating again, but felt directed from God to move forward with Trevor.
I wanted to share the stories from the fireside with him because I thought he would appreciate them, relate to them, and benefit from them. I waited until he opened up a little more about his story. I also wanted to share with him the experience I had. I wanted him to understand that I was open to moving forward with him. That I was ready to push through the fears that may never leave me. There are things in my past that I need to forgive and let go of so that I can have the strength to hold on to what the Lord wants for me.
One of the first things Austin told me after he left the church was to not hope, but Trevor has told me that he wants me to hope. It seems he understand my heart and what my soul needs. I'm grateful that God didn't let me run and hide this time.
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