New and Happy

This year has been full of new things. In every area of my life. I feel like every nook and cranny of my time is filling up. Miraculously, it seems to fit together like a puzzle. It's been exhausting, intimidating, and wonderful. I have started a new relationship and have encountered a new trial. 

I have been divorced for about a year and a half and my marriage was over about three years ago. But as I've gotten closer to this new person in my life, especially in physical ways, I have felt guilt creep in, relating to my ex-husband. I don't understand it, especially considering that it didn't happen at all - not even a little bit - with the last two guys.

As I was confiding this strange and unexpected occurrence in my best friend she told me it must be from satan.

After the first couple days of spending time with this new person, I had been feeling a lot of anxiety about entering another new relationship, especially so quickly with someone I barely knew. My heart was feeling fragile and unforgiving and I didn't want to get into anything serious for another several months. 

I tried to resist, but God seems to continually send me the unforeseeable. He comforted my indecisive mind while in the temple, speaking to my heart, telling me this is His child and I need to give him a chance and get to know him.

After everything I've been through, I have learned to always follow the Lords commands. Even if I don't understand the reasons and even if it doesn't work out the way I think it should or wish it would. I trust that God has a plan for me.

I have followed the Lords guidance and I have been calm about moving forward one step at time. What I have found is that the more time I spend with him, the more I like him. I also feel an easy happiness. I feel happy when I'm with him. I feel happy thinking about him. And I feel happy after we spend time together. I'm happy. 

I have made a conscious effort in the last several months to welcome into my life the things that bring a smile to my face. I'm glad I have done that in this case.

He makes me smile.

He's so sweet to me. He's respectful. I learn new and interesting things from him. He's not perfect, which is good because neither am I. He's easy and fun to talk to. He loves his family. And he seems to have goals that are in line with what I'm looking for in a person.

One thing I wish he would do more of is be more open and vulnerable with me. I think that will come in time, but I feel like he's got an advantage in this area. I have worked so hard over the last year to be open and share some of my story here on my blog. I don't share everything, in fact there's a lot about me that I keep to myself. But there's a lot I do share, and have shared with him and I want him to share real things with me, too.

I want to know all the things. Makes me think of this song.

Embarrassingly, when I got home today my mom thought I was so cute texting him that she took a picture.