I haven't been making much art lately. Actually I haven't made any art in the past couple weeks. I feel like I get two things from making art:
1. I feel fulfillment and peace in my soul
2. I feel a sense of failure and a fear of rejection
I have been dealing with enough rejection lately, and I don't want to be reminded that I am even failing at what I am best at - making art.
I was recently rejected in love, and it hurt a lot because this guy was someone I would have married, but he chose someone else over me. I can't seem to get over the sense of rejection, but the constant pain and ache has subsided. I have remembered that I had interest in other guys before I chose him. I had been dating a lot, well maybe not a lot, but every week, which is a lot for me. I have to remember the possibilities ahead of me, and not focus on the fact that my heart hasn't resonated with anyone else as well as it did with him in a very long time.
I think it's natural for me to think of the men in my life who I would have been happy to (or did) marry. My mind has spent time thinking about Matt and what I wish I had done differently. I have always held back and been hesitant to come on too strong. I don't like to pry. I don't want someone to feel like I am obsessed with them. I'm a whole person and I want to be seen as such.
I tried to not do this with Morgan. I think I was somewhat successful, though I still held a lot back.
But with Matt, even though we spent two years together, I didn't push it. For example, I wanted to know more about his dad and what happened there, but I wanted him to tell me without having to pry. Looking back, I think he would have appreciated it if I had asked more questions about that. He told me when he had a dream about his dad (it was on a camping trip we took together and he spent time to write the experience in his journal in the morning). He told me about different traditions they had together. There were opportunities to ask more, but I kept my questions to myself. I wish I had been a better emotional support for him.
I miss him. I've always missed him. Even when I was married.
Usually I would make art and I would feel better, but lately I have been disappointed with my success in my Art business. I have realized that I am an amazing artist, I am not a struggling Artist, I'm a struggling Business Owner. I know where I want to be and go, I just don't know how to get there. I don't know how to do it. I took one class in college about the business side of things, but they should have spent more time teaching us that we, as Studio Art majors, were actually Business majors focusing on Art.
1. I feel fulfillment and peace in my soul
2. I feel a sense of failure and a fear of rejection
I have been dealing with enough rejection lately, and I don't want to be reminded that I am even failing at what I am best at - making art.
I was recently rejected in love, and it hurt a lot because this guy was someone I would have married, but he chose someone else over me. I can't seem to get over the sense of rejection, but the constant pain and ache has subsided. I have remembered that I had interest in other guys before I chose him. I had been dating a lot, well maybe not a lot, but every week, which is a lot for me. I have to remember the possibilities ahead of me, and not focus on the fact that my heart hasn't resonated with anyone else as well as it did with him in a very long time.
I think it's natural for me to think of the men in my life who I would have been happy to (or did) marry. My mind has spent time thinking about Matt and what I wish I had done differently. I have always held back and been hesitant to come on too strong. I don't like to pry. I don't want someone to feel like I am obsessed with them. I'm a whole person and I want to be seen as such.
I tried to not do this with Morgan. I think I was somewhat successful, though I still held a lot back.
But with Matt, even though we spent two years together, I didn't push it. For example, I wanted to know more about his dad and what happened there, but I wanted him to tell me without having to pry. Looking back, I think he would have appreciated it if I had asked more questions about that. He told me when he had a dream about his dad (it was on a camping trip we took together and he spent time to write the experience in his journal in the morning). He told me about different traditions they had together. There were opportunities to ask more, but I kept my questions to myself. I wish I had been a better emotional support for him.
I miss him. I've always missed him. Even when I was married.
Usually I would make art and I would feel better, but lately I have been disappointed with my success in my Art business. I have realized that I am an amazing artist, I am not a struggling Artist, I'm a struggling Business Owner. I know where I want to be and go, I just don't know how to get there. I don't know how to do it. I took one class in college about the business side of things, but they should have spent more time teaching us that we, as Studio Art majors, were actually Business majors focusing on Art.
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