I have had some things pressing on my mind for some time now. I feel like the Lord has told me to do specific things that will have positive repercussions and great impact. I feel an urgency in doing, and obeying. But it is also really hard because it involves being incredibly vulnerable.
One of these tasks is to write down my story. Back in November I attended Time Out For Women and received powerful and undeniable revelation. I could feel the Lord physically touching my head and I could hear Him telling me what I had to do. I have been writing impressions and things down ever since then. Actually even before then. But I need to write it into a book and I don't know how to do that. I like writing my blog, and feel I have found my voice in this platform, but a book intimidates me. I do feel like that's what I need to do, though, so that I can share my story with others who need it!
I tend to think and feel deeply. I like sharing my thoughts and am glad to have learned to keep a blog in a BFA class with Cassandra Barney. In college, I would share my testimony and make comments at church often. I never fully formed what I would say before I raised my hand, however, which usually resulted with me ended with the word "so..." and a shrug, implying, "so... you can connect my comment to the lesson." Which is why I now usually text myself my comments and then sometimes make a blog post out of them.
Another task the Lord wants from me is even harder. It has more potential to hurt me. It effects my future as opposed to dealing with my past. It doesn't make sense to me why it's so important to the Lord that I do it, since it's only going to effect one or two people. I want to do it, but fear gets in the way. And then guilt when I don't.
Monday night I had a dream. It was significant and I have written it down in a private journal so I can remember it. I also told Becky about it on Tuesday morning and expressed to her that I thought it was revelation from the Lord, addressing my concerns and answering my prayers. Later I opened an email from Deseret Book which was promoting a book called Dreams as Revelation. This further confirmed my interpretation of my dream. And I recognized it as a tender mercy, even an email from my Heavenly Father.
I attended the temple three days in a row this week and it was wonderful!
I wanted to go on Tuesday morning because that is the first time it was open since last weekend when I didn't get to go. So I did the 7AM session on Tuesday morning. I love starting the week in this way. The peace I felt about how I feel and how I need to move forward was reassuring and comforting.
Wednesday evening my ward had a temple trip that I also went to. I love the spirit there and wouldn't turn down an opportunity to be there. This time, however, was a little more emotionally difficult. My heart hurt a little as I watched the witness couple and the prayer. It made me think about the good man I married. Sometimes I miss him. It hits me sometimes in the temple. We used to be asked to be the couple, and it is a special thing. I miss participating as much as I used to be able to. I miss sitting next to someone and quietly discussing the impressions we each received. Still, I did receive impressions and learned a little more about the Lord and His plan.
Then, on Thursday, as I was enjoying my time with my children, Heidi told me she was having a rough day (one thing after another, her burdens seem to be piling up!) and would be going to the temple to do Initiatories. I asked if she wanted me to join her, and she said yes. When we met up I asked her how she was feeling. She said, "Pretty good, but I hurt my shoulder trying to open a jar of salsa." I couldn't help but laugh. It was too funny of a thought. She laughed, too. We had a lovely time. For the third day in a row, I felt confirmation, while in the temple, that I need to proceed with the command the Lord has given me. Notice I didn't say how. I still don't know how I am to proceed.
Last Sunday a sister gave a talk in church and told a story about how she had to move away from her friends, but she told them she would write them letters. So she wrote a letter to a certain friend telling her all the things she loves about her. The letter sat on her desk for three days and she saw it before getting in bed but thought, "oh, I need to get that out, I'll put it in the mailbox tomorrow morning." But then, recognizing that she would forget by then, she did it right away. Three days later she got a call from this friend telling her she just got her letter. She expressed gratitude for it and told her she was about to end her life but had the thought to check her mail before. One, seemingly small and insignificant act, made a huge difference and impact in the life of another. A week before this talk I wrote a similar letter, never intending to actually send it. It made me think of one of the tasks the Lord has asked of me.
Never suppress a generous thought.
I have tried to live my life by this phrase by Camilla Kimball. Whether it was calling my cousin while walking on campus, sending an encouraging text message to my friend before an important meeting, or complimenting a strangers earrings. You never know what someone else is going through or how your words or actions can effect them.
All of these things were coming at me, pointing me in the same direction. But I still can't see why it's so important or why the Lord cares this much.
I was listening to conference talks as I was setting up my classroom on Saturday. I had the impression I needed to reach out to one of my friends. I was like, okay, but what can I do for her? My mom happened to have a wedding that day (she's a florist), and was sure to have some leftover flowers. So I texted her to ask if I could use some (and so I wouldn't forget by the time I left work). I messaged my friend, asking how her day was going in specific terms. She replied a while later, but by that time I was busy with other plans, so I told her I had something for her, and asked if I could bring it to her the next morning. She said that would be perfect.
My other plans were to play Super Mario Bros with Heidi and David. Heidi was in even more pain at this point and asked David for a blessing. He was willing and able at a moments notice. Which is actually an extraordinary quality that we take for granted in our culture. Another brother came to help and I was grateful to have access to the priesthood power.
Last night Henry Ammar gave a fireside. He's truly an amazing human being. It's like he is running around in a giant hamster ball made of the Spirit, bumping into people sharing light and knowledge as he goes along. I admire him greatly and am grateful to know him. Throughout his talk I felt the Lord speaking to me, directing me in a clear way. Henry basically quoted thoughts I have had and things I have read over the past month and I was shaking from the inside out during his talk. When he finished, he said, "Always follow the Spirit." And it hit me to the core. I told the Lord at that time that I would do it at my next opportunity.
I wanted to talk with Henry after the fireside, but I couldn't stay. The spirit was telling me to run to my car and go! I obeyed. I didn't actually know where I was going. The urgent feeling was resolved when I got to my destination. I was confronted with the adversary, and I thought, "I can't do it with this obstacle, it's too hard." But then I realized, it's not about me. The Lord needs me to follow through no matter what. And I must obey. I don't know if it is because it will save a life, or if it will make me happy, or if it is just to see if I will obey all the Lord asks of me. I just know I have to do it.
So...
One of these tasks is to write down my story. Back in November I attended Time Out For Women and received powerful and undeniable revelation. I could feel the Lord physically touching my head and I could hear Him telling me what I had to do. I have been writing impressions and things down ever since then. Actually even before then. But I need to write it into a book and I don't know how to do that. I like writing my blog, and feel I have found my voice in this platform, but a book intimidates me. I do feel like that's what I need to do, though, so that I can share my story with others who need it!
I tend to think and feel deeply. I like sharing my thoughts and am glad to have learned to keep a blog in a BFA class with Cassandra Barney. In college, I would share my testimony and make comments at church often. I never fully formed what I would say before I raised my hand, however, which usually resulted with me ended with the word "so..." and a shrug, implying, "so... you can connect my comment to the lesson." Which is why I now usually text myself my comments and then sometimes make a blog post out of them.
Another task the Lord wants from me is even harder. It has more potential to hurt me. It effects my future as opposed to dealing with my past. It doesn't make sense to me why it's so important to the Lord that I do it, since it's only going to effect one or two people. I want to do it, but fear gets in the way. And then guilt when I don't.
Monday night I had a dream. It was significant and I have written it down in a private journal so I can remember it. I also told Becky about it on Tuesday morning and expressed to her that I thought it was revelation from the Lord, addressing my concerns and answering my prayers. Later I opened an email from Deseret Book which was promoting a book called Dreams as Revelation. This further confirmed my interpretation of my dream. And I recognized it as a tender mercy, even an email from my Heavenly Father.
I attended the temple three days in a row this week and it was wonderful!
I wanted to go on Tuesday morning because that is the first time it was open since last weekend when I didn't get to go. So I did the 7AM session on Tuesday morning. I love starting the week in this way. The peace I felt about how I feel and how I need to move forward was reassuring and comforting.
Wednesday evening my ward had a temple trip that I also went to. I love the spirit there and wouldn't turn down an opportunity to be there. This time, however, was a little more emotionally difficult. My heart hurt a little as I watched the witness couple and the prayer. It made me think about the good man I married. Sometimes I miss him. It hits me sometimes in the temple. We used to be asked to be the couple, and it is a special thing. I miss participating as much as I used to be able to. I miss sitting next to someone and quietly discussing the impressions we each received. Still, I did receive impressions and learned a little more about the Lord and His plan.
Then, on Thursday, as I was enjoying my time with my children, Heidi told me she was having a rough day (one thing after another, her burdens seem to be piling up!) and would be going to the temple to do Initiatories. I asked if she wanted me to join her, and she said yes. When we met up I asked her how she was feeling. She said, "Pretty good, but I hurt my shoulder trying to open a jar of salsa." I couldn't help but laugh. It was too funny of a thought. She laughed, too. We had a lovely time. For the third day in a row, I felt confirmation, while in the temple, that I need to proceed with the command the Lord has given me. Notice I didn't say how. I still don't know how I am to proceed.
Last Sunday a sister gave a talk in church and told a story about how she had to move away from her friends, but she told them she would write them letters. So she wrote a letter to a certain friend telling her all the things she loves about her. The letter sat on her desk for three days and she saw it before getting in bed but thought, "oh, I need to get that out, I'll put it in the mailbox tomorrow morning." But then, recognizing that she would forget by then, she did it right away. Three days later she got a call from this friend telling her she just got her letter. She expressed gratitude for it and told her she was about to end her life but had the thought to check her mail before. One, seemingly small and insignificant act, made a huge difference and impact in the life of another. A week before this talk I wrote a similar letter, never intending to actually send it. It made me think of one of the tasks the Lord has asked of me.
Never suppress a generous thought.
I have tried to live my life by this phrase by Camilla Kimball. Whether it was calling my cousin while walking on campus, sending an encouraging text message to my friend before an important meeting, or complimenting a strangers earrings. You never know what someone else is going through or how your words or actions can effect them.
All of these things were coming at me, pointing me in the same direction. But I still can't see why it's so important or why the Lord cares this much.
I was listening to conference talks as I was setting up my classroom on Saturday. I had the impression I needed to reach out to one of my friends. I was like, okay, but what can I do for her? My mom happened to have a wedding that day (she's a florist), and was sure to have some leftover flowers. So I texted her to ask if I could use some (and so I wouldn't forget by the time I left work). I messaged my friend, asking how her day was going in specific terms. She replied a while later, but by that time I was busy with other plans, so I told her I had something for her, and asked if I could bring it to her the next morning. She said that would be perfect.
My other plans were to play Super Mario Bros with Heidi and David. Heidi was in even more pain at this point and asked David for a blessing. He was willing and able at a moments notice. Which is actually an extraordinary quality that we take for granted in our culture. Another brother came to help and I was grateful to have access to the priesthood power.
Last night Henry Ammar gave a fireside. He's truly an amazing human being. It's like he is running around in a giant hamster ball made of the Spirit, bumping into people sharing light and knowledge as he goes along. I admire him greatly and am grateful to know him. Throughout his talk I felt the Lord speaking to me, directing me in a clear way. Henry basically quoted thoughts I have had and things I have read over the past month and I was shaking from the inside out during his talk. When he finished, he said, "Always follow the Spirit." And it hit me to the core. I told the Lord at that time that I would do it at my next opportunity.
I wanted to talk with Henry after the fireside, but I couldn't stay. The spirit was telling me to run to my car and go! I obeyed. I didn't actually know where I was going. The urgent feeling was resolved when I got to my destination. I was confronted with the adversary, and I thought, "I can't do it with this obstacle, it's too hard." But then I realized, it's not about me. The Lord needs me to follow through no matter what. And I must obey. I don't know if it is because it will save a life, or if it will make me happy, or if it is just to see if I will obey all the Lord asks of me. I just know I have to do it.
So...
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