Hope for eventually

I was asked every month last year if I was pregnant. 

January, fifth Sunday, a woman I've spoken to a few times asked me a series of questions leading up to when I was due. I said, "I'm not pregnant." She asked, "Were you?" As if that was okay. If I had miscarried I would have probably been in tears or already fled from the room. I said, yes, twice, referring to my two daughters. She said someone told her I was but when I asked who she couldn't remember. No apology. I should have slapped her.

A couple months later it was a student in my cooking class. She looked at my belly and asked if I was going to have a baby. (I have lost weight since my husband moved out. My stress level has gone down significantly!) I said no and told her not to ask that question. When she asked why and I told her it was rude.

Another month someone called me on the phone, when I answered, she asked if i was pregnant.

Sure, these might be funny anecdotes (some day (someday never comes)), but in the moment, it really hurt. It's not just that it sounded like, "you look fat" in which case, why isn't the question, "Do you want to go get ice cream?" Because 9 times out of 10 it's probably because I'm bloated due to that time of the month.

Let me explain to you why this is SO inappropriate. 

First of all, it's none of your damn business wether I'm pregnant or not. If you didn't put it in there you don't get to ask. Period. 

Next, instead of asking me about me and the actual crap I was going through, you're asking me about something irrelevant. I was living with a huge trial. My husband became an atheist and started treating me poorly. Someone I had once trusted with everything. My hopes, my opinions, my dreams, my body. He betrayed me and God, and you're asking me if I'm pregnant? If you don't know me well enough to know about all my other crap, you don't need to know whether I am or not. Or if I don't know or care about you well enough for me to tell you when I am pregnant, you don't have any right to ask.

Finally, I have always wanted a big family. Give me all the babies! When it came time for us to start trying for another baby, he told me he didn't want any more children. And he threatened to be snipped. My heart is already broken because I'm not pregnant. Please don't bring it up. If you have to ask if someone is pregnant you don't know why they may not be. Infertility, abuse, miscarriage, marital problems, no desire, other priorities, any of these can go into that decision. Asking that question can be hurtful in so many ways. Just don't go there.