Sweet Dreams and Nightmares

Being married is such a better way to live! I love it! All the time. But especially at night.

I have struggled with insomnia for most of my life. When I was a child I thought it was normal to have to lay in bed for a long time before drifting off to sleep.

Insomnia has caused me to think about sleep differently. What is this strange place we call sleep, anyway? How do you go there or drift there or fall there? It's like a room with no doors or windows. It's a room that is not a room. It's a place that is not a place. It can be anywhere and nowhere. It can defy laws of nature and physics. It can make things clearer and it can be impossible to describe in reality.

As a youth I tried lots of things to help me go to sleep, from crazy to common. Things like: Smelling onions. Concentrating on my breathing. Counting sheep --whatever that  means. Counting down from 100... and then back up. And so many more. Some things may have helped, other things not so much. Nevertheless, nothing stuck.

At one point I thought maybe I was afraid to fall asleep. Just the idea of it is a little frightening. How far is the drop and will it hurt when I get there? I sometimes had really scary nightmares that I woke up from either crying or screaming. But I also had some really cool and beautiful dreams that I didn't want to wake up from.

Once I became an art major I embraced my insomnia. I stayed up all night making art. I slept when I was completely worn out, and had a little time for it --no matter what time it was.

Now that I'm married and pregnant, I don't have the luxury of living that way (thankfully). But it's easier to have a more regular routine. I go to bed at night with my husband. And even if it takes me a lot longer to surrender to sleep, I love laying in bed beside him. Feeling his heart beat into my back as the baby kicks in my belly. Listening to him breath. And feeling his strong, protective arms around me keeping me safe.

Now I don't have to fear my nightmares, which have been awful during this pregnancy, because I know he's right there. Warm and loving. Now I don't have to go to sleep to dream sweet dreams, because my dream come true is right next to me.

My Opinion on Skinny Jeans...

My opinion on skinny jeans?

I like them. I think they are great. I think they are practical. They are the perfect pant for boots. There is nothing offensive about them. The tops look just like any other pair of jeans (considering I'm not talking about mom jeans -- high waisted 80 style), they just taper after the knee. There are some that are a lot tighter than others, and I don't think those are necessary, or that they would be very comfortable.

cute

When I say skinny jeans, this is all I mean by it. If you hear skinny jeans and think something else you may be thinking of jeggings: ridiculously tight, pocketless, zipper-less stretchy jeans. I don't like these. Although, I did accidentally own a pair, but only because I needed something for my pregnancy. I didn't realize what they were until a couple weeks after I got them. Like the aforementioned skinny jeans, there are more extreme varieties of these as well. I do not have those ones.

gross. you look fat. these are not what i have.

The worst and most disgusting variety that people mistake for skinny jeans are the undergarment called leggings. These are NOT pants. These do not make skirts modest. These do not look good.

disgusting. go put some clothes on.

So, you want my opinion on skinny jeans? oh, you don't... well I'm giving it to you anyway. If you want to wear pants with boots and not get your pants wet or salt soaked or just want to show off your super cute boots, wear skinny jeans! If you need to be warmer on a Sunday, and you're already wearing a modest to-your-knee skirt wear leggings. I'm still not sure where jeggings fit in to this. I think they're just a fad that will fade.

A little BIG news

For some reason, that I cannot fathom, I have had this episode of Full House on my mind a lot lately...

We had another appointment today. It was really amazing! We got to hear our babys heartbeat for the first time. I can not express to you how incredible this was. To hear my own heartbeat and then a tiny one right next to it. In MY body. I realized the miracle that is occurring within me and I was entirely overwhelmed. Austin said he could see how it affected me on my face, and I admit that I teared up a little.

That silly little fetus started dancing around--moving out of the scope of the monitor, making my midwife have to chase it around my belly. Already, at 15 weeks, my baby has a cute little personality (that may or may not reflect the jokesters that are its parents).

I'm so excited to meet this little angel in a just a few months!