My Fiancé Ghosted Me

My fiancé ghosted me three weeks before we were supposed to get married. I know it was three weeks because my daughters and I were keeping a countdown in our room and it stayed on "21" for about three months.

As you can imagine I was devastated.

It was impossible for me to comprehend how this person, whom I had trusted with my whole soul, could have done this. No word or explanation. Just emptiness.

That's all I could feel for the first week. I was empty. The only thing holding me together was my skin, and I wish that would have given way to let the hollowness drain away so I wouldn't have to exist any more. I didn't eat for the first week. My stomach was completely empty. I could only handle sips of water.

My moms support was also invaluable. She literally held me when I felt like I couldn't any more. She drafted and printed UN-announcements to send to all the guests we had just invited. It was humiliating. 

My maid of honor had already prepared the food for my bridal shower for that weekend so she brought it to my empty apartment. I had to message everyone to let them know I wasn't feeling well enough to have a party. Which was certainly no lie. Instead of celebrating and preparing for one of the happiest days of my life, I sat in the dark, with no one but my best friend and my mom, and binged the entire first season of Wednesday. The show was dark enough for me to be okay with watching it at the time. I felt immense guilt letting all that finger food go uneaten.  

Over the next couple weeks I had to return as many things I had ordered for the wedding. From disposable wine glasses to tiny vials for olive oil that would have been our party favors. But then the packages began arriving. dozens of gifts I had to deal with. I couldn't face them. The hurt was crippling.

His older sister showed me incredible kindness. She was the only one of their family to reach out to me. She shared parts of her own story and reassured me that she cared for me. It simultaneously made it harder and easier. Easier because of her kindness and perspective. Harder because I was also losing her because of her brothers selfish choice. I don't know why his mother never reached out. This was nearly as hurtful to me as what he had done. It would have been nice to at least get a text saying, "I'm so sorry, Lisa. I really wanted you to be my daughter-in-law. I love you." But that, it seems, was too much to ask.

My whole life crumbled around me. It wasn't just losing my best friend and partner for the past three years. It was losing family dinner on Sundays. It was losing eight nieces and nephews whom I adored more than they could have realized. It was losing the life we had created and planned. And worst of all, it was losing my unborn babies, who I never got to have, but was promised. I was losing a step dad for my kids. It was losing a travel partner. I felt like a loser. Except when I held my kids. Especially when we got to snuggle at night.

It has been about four months and I am finally starting to be okay. I don't cry every day. But I do feel angry a lot.

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I want to create a website or app to support other women who have gone through something similar. One of the hardest things about going through hard things is feeling we are alone in them. I knew there were other broken engagements, but I didn't know who had been through them. God sent me a message on facebook bringing one girl to my attention. That was a blessing and a help.

It would have a Spotify playlist that people could contribute to. It would have angsty songs.

It would have a Flower Subscription box.

It would have a journal Section for individual user to use.

And it would have a community forum.

There would be local meetups to go dancing or to movies.

and maybe even merchandise like body pillows and the rose.

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Information from the internet on Ghosting. 

A person ghosting typically has little acknowledgment of how it will make the other person feel. Ghosting is associated with negative mental health effects on the person on the receiving end and has been described by some mental health professionals as a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse or cruelty.

It shows you have no respect for another person's feelings. It say you are inconsiderate and don't care much about the impact or consequences of your actions. It's easier than breaking up but it also shows you have no character when you choose easy over integrity.

The act of ghosting is a power move that someone with narcissistic personality disorder may use. There are many reasons why someone might ghost you. It may be because they lost interest and want to avoid the conflict of telling you this personally. It may be they want to see your reaction and how much you care.

Like most ghosts people report having experienced, you're just an annoying practitioner of “now you see me, now you don't.” Ghosting is akin to Gaslighting because it's a denial, a charade. And it rejects the worthiness of another human being and the impact of the exchange that may have happened between you.

Ghosting is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone suddenly and without any explanation, and completely withdrawing from all forms of communication.