Friends

I had a poem on my wall throughout high school that I still remember. I think it's nice, and a good reminder.

I went out to find a friend,

but friends could not be found.

I went out to be a friend,

and friends were all around.

I needed a friend this week to help me in a desperate moment. I "went out" in search of one and came up with very little. My best friend, my husband, came to my rescue. It really irritated me that no one else I asked was there for me. Later this week I learned I could have been there for them, because they probably needed  me just as much as I needed them. The poem, helps me remember not to be selfish, and I think that makes the best kind of friends.

I recently told my husband that I have a crush on someone. 

I feel the way I used to feel when I was in a singles ward and I liked a guy. A little nervous to approach them. Excited when they talked to me. Not to mention how happy it made me when they liked me back. Well, I don't like anyone other than my husband. And this "crush" is not a romantic one.

Since I got married my life has changed a lot. First off, I live with a boy. I have to try to do my own fashion check before I leave the house, which is becoming more and more difficult with my expanding belly. He tells me I'm beautiful when I ask how I look, but really, I want to know if my shirt isn't long enough with the pants I am wearing making the bottom half of my belly exposed (I had no idea until I saw my reflection in the door to the pediatrician's office).

He's wonderful. So amazing, patient, and thoughtful. I am truly not complaining! I just miss having friends who are girls. Relief Society has become more meaningful to me, or maybe we just have a really good RS in the ward I'm in. I look forward to going to it, not just to be uplifted and talk about the gospel, but to make friends and meet people.

So when my friend came up to me the other week and gave me a hug it made my day. She crossed the room and made her way to me. That was it, the moment I knew. We are actual friends. Not just friends because we have the same mutual friend, but real friends.

I feel more like me when I have friends and game nights, and do more than just work and work some more. I also get to spend lots of cherished time with my family.

Here's something I worked on last month. I think I will go back in and at least add some music or sound effects.

The Evil in the World

There is so much evil in the world these days. Everywhere around us. No matter where we look we can find it. Spending the weekend in Las Vegas was fun and great, but it was also so filthy there. We walked down the strip with so many people smoking and drinking. You look around at the lights and can't avoid seeing uncensored billboards, so then you look down at the ground and see porn cards advertising strippers or prostitutes. Gross.

But an even bigger concern I have about the evil in the world is not what we have to walk through sometimes, but it is the evil in our hearts. The way we think about people. The way we think about the world. And perhaps we generalize evil to everyone and everything. There is also a lot of good in the world. And that is what we should strive to be surrounding ourselves with. Not just on the outside but in our hearts, too.

There was a lot of good that I saw this weekend - in Las Vegas. Most people were kind. Most people were modest. It may have help that we were at the ALA conference, but still. We saw a lot of people who were honestly trying to make the world a better place. We watched a fountain show that brought me chills. There was even a romantic proposal caught on camera!

I came home and checked my email to find something rather disturbing. A threat had been made to my place of work. It made me worry the rest of the night, thinking of what I would do if someone really came to attack us there. Now I at least have a plan, and a pretty good one. A few weeks ago, my sister had to go to a meeting about the same type of thing. Since there have been rather a lot of school shootings lately, she had to learn what she should do if one were to happen at BYU. That was really scary for me. I tend to want to protect my family from harm. I've always protected her. But this one is out of my control.

I think that we can all make the world a little better if we choose to see the good in people. Look for it. Hope for it. Believe it is there. Because if we give up on the people around us, we become more cynical. If we doubt the good in the world, there is nothing to keep us happy. We need that in our hearts. We need that in the world. 

I love this video that so beautifully urges us to believe the best in each other and doubt the bad.

I ask myself, and invite you to do the same: Is there evil in my heart? I am trying to think better of people. If someone irritates me, I try to look at them until I feel some love for them. Everyone has at least a little bit of good in them. I want to find it. I think I will be happier. 

Addiction

A few years ago I had a problem. I was addicted to Spider Solitaire. That may seem like a really weird thing to be addicted to, but it was really bad. I played it too much. I got to the point where I would think about it all the time. When I closed my eyes - even for a prayer - the cards would appear. I would have dreams about the cards taking on humanistic roles, representing real people. They took up my time, moved into my mind, and wreaked havoc in reality. I decided enough was enough. I stopped cold turkey. Yes - it was hard. I went through withdrawals. I even missed it for a little while. But then, slowly, I got better. People turned back into people. I was no longer distracted during prayers, and I was able to focus on Christ. I became me again.

At church this past Sunday we talked about the danger of pornography, and how to protect your family from the destruction that comes from it. There were lots of comments and suggestions. I think that of course teaching your children and cultivating an atmosphere where you can feel comfortable talking about anything is important. People mentioned that pornography can come in different forms. Images we see. Movies we watch, and words we read. Pornography can be a real and serious addiction. Just as real as drugs, alcohol, and gambling. 

What an addiction does is change your brain. The very way you think. It's always on your mind. You want more of it. It takes over your life. It distracts you from what is really important: Being productive. Moving forward. Serving others. Coming closer to Christ. In fact, it does the opposite. It is almost as if it becomes the thing you worship.

I think that a lot of people don't associate smaller things with it. Simple things. Seemingly innocent things. Music with a good beat, but awful lyrics ("I don't listen to the words anyway..." is not an excuse) and the jokes we tell ("That's what she said" and adding "in bed" to the end of things). These jokes change the way we think. They take something innocent and make it "dirty". They take something incredibly sacred and private and turn it into something common and crude.

Fortune Cookie: You will have much success in the near future

The good thing is that we can change. We can stop cold turkey and become ourselves again. We can fill our time with worthwhile things that make us better people and bring us closer to Christ and being Christ-like. And eventually jokes can turn back into jokes, not dirty jokes.